Bed Space

According to Google;

The king size mattress dimensions are 76 inches wide by approximately 80 inches long – about 18 inches wider than a queen. This is the closest a couple can come to having as much personal space (38 inches) as each would have on a twin bed.

38 Inches per person is that what it says right? That’s what I see too, so riddle me this Batman, why does the wifey & I’s sleeping arrangement look more like this?

I’m not joking this is what it looks like. now let me explain the wifey & I are not small people we need our space.

I bring this up, because last night according to wifey I threw my pillow into her face when I came to bed, now I am not saying I didn’t, but it wasn’t intentional, however dear readers let me explain.

She was over on my side just a little bit more than usual with her pillow, now she will argue this til she’s blue in the face, but c’mon I bet if I took a poll of men, more than 70% would also face this dilemma.

I almost jumped up and measured her space vs mine, because I tell you dear readers my right arm (I sleep on the right side) was on the edge of the KING SIZED bed, but I was afraid I would wake her up, and then “That’s how the fight began.” So I stayed in my little coffin of a space, while she snored directly in my ear (glad I wear ear plugs, but I can still hear the thunderous roars, it’s just not as bad.

Anyway dear readers a miracle happened, it wasn’t intentional I was trying to be the good guy here, but I rolled over….not violently like normal, (sometimes it’s almost like I jump up in mid-air and turn while still in the air then come crashing down, i’m not sure how I do this, I would like to see it on video) just casually rolled over facing the left. She awoke and exclaimed in startled voice “What was that?” I didn’t respond, thinking she may be talking in her sleep. Again she said “What was that?” At this time I realized she was not in a deep slumber so I responded with “What was what?” “That shaking!” she said. I didn’t understand, so I replied with “I rolled over, but there wasn’t any shaking.”

I think what happened was I may have rolled and touched her hand, or pillow, or something since she was over on my side of the bed more than usual. Here is where the miracle happened dear readers

she rolled over back onto her side of the bed, and we both slept uninterrupted til the dawn.

So men, I ask you what is the solution to the bed stealing wives, girlfriends, or significant others in our lives? Or is there even a solution? Are we cursed to live the rest of our lives in our palaces like this? Is it just in our minds and our ladies are correct after all? Are we mad? Is there a way to put a barrier, so neither one of us wake up with black eyes or worse…divorced?

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A plea to my drivers.

  • Please don’t come into the office expecting us to bow or grovel at your feet.
  • Please don’t act like we know nothing when you ask us a question. Especially the no brainer questions, if it is over my head I won’t fake my answer. If I don’t know the answer, I will find it for you.
  • And no, you can’t sit at my desk while I work.
  • Please don’t call me 3 minutes after sending me a message from your truck…YOU ARE NOT MY ONLY DRIVER!!!!!
  • Please keep your nasty pocket debris in your pocket, and take a shower and brush your teeth before approaching me, our showers are free ya know?
  • Don’t call me because you can’t read a map…I am at my desk, you are on the road figure it out, if you can’t find the place THEN call me.
  • Come back on time from your time off and don’t make me call looking for you, I have other things to do then be your babysitter.
  • Don’t tell me you can’t go to Canada without good reason, and make sure you apply for your passport, this is a prerequisite when you were hired on and you know this.
  • Don’t be a total jerk to me or my co-workers we are trying to HELP you.
  • Smile once and a while, you woke up today, didn’t you? That is a lucky thing!!!
  • Please don’t bitch to me about your load and blame me for it, I do not see your load until you do….got it? Not every load is going to be 1,000 miles, and don’t ask for California loads or “west coast loads” a majority of you can’t run them when I give them to you anyway.
  • Don’t threaten me by quitting (it won’t bother me any) and don’t bitch because I get to go home everynight (You chose your profession).

Don’t get me wrong, but I do like my job, there are just certain drivers I wish I didn’t have to deal with, and these are not my drivers I am talking about, this is my whole experience of being a dispatcher for the past 11 years.

Ok, I think that is about it for now

Inspired by my friend The Redneck Princess