Bed Space

According to Google;

The king size mattress dimensions are 76 inches wide by approximately 80 inches long – about 18 inches wider than a queen. This is the closest a couple can come to having as much personal space (38 inches) as each would have on a twin bed.

38 Inches per person is that what it says right? That’s what I see too, so riddle me this Batman, why does the wifey & I’s sleeping arrangement look more like this?

I’m not joking this is what it looks like. now let me explain the wifey & I are not small people we need our space.

I bring this up, because last night according to wifey I threw my pillow into her face when I came to bed, now I am not saying I didn’t, but it wasn’t intentional, however dear readers let me explain.

She was over on my side just a little bit more than usual with her pillow, now she will argue this til she’s blue in the face, but c’mon I bet if I took a poll of men, more than 70% would also face this dilemma.

I almost jumped up and measured her space vs mine, because I tell you dear readers my right arm (I sleep on the right side) was on the edge of the KING SIZED bed, but I was afraid I would wake her up, and then “That’s how the fight began.” So I stayed in my little coffin of a space, while she snored directly in my ear (glad I wear ear plugs, but I can still hear the thunderous roars, it’s just not as bad.

Anyway dear readers a miracle happened, it wasn’t intentional I was trying to be the good guy here, but I rolled over….not violently like normal, (sometimes it’s almost like I jump up in mid-air and turn while still in the air then come crashing down, i’m not sure how I do this, I would like to see it on video) just casually rolled over facing the left. She awoke and exclaimed in startled voice “What was that?” I didn’t respond, thinking she may be talking in her sleep. Again she said “What was that?” At this time I realized she was not in a deep slumber so I responded with “What was what?” “That shaking!” she said. I didn’t understand, so I replied with “I rolled over, but there wasn’t any shaking.”

I think what happened was I may have rolled and touched her hand, or pillow, or something since she was over on my side of the bed more than usual. Here is where the miracle happened dear readers

she rolled over back onto her side of the bed, and we both slept uninterrupted til the dawn.

So men, I ask you what is the solution to the bed stealing wives, girlfriends, or significant others in our lives? Or is there even a solution? Are we cursed to live the rest of our lives in our palaces like this? Is it just in our minds and our ladies are correct after all? Are we mad? Is there a way to put a barrier, so neither one of us wake up with black eyes or worse…divorced?

An update

Hello faithful readers…… Sorry I’ve been gone for so long. I found another blog and it has inspired me to try this again.

So here’s some updates for ya:

I got a new lawnmower last year about this time with help from “Mr Fix it” it’s a Craftsman, and makes mowing MUCH easier now. “Mr Fix It” retired  from Sears and I used his discount and with his knowledge of mowers he helped me pick a good one for my needs and with my budget. 

I gave up on the treadmill…… Not that I didn’t enjoy it, but it kinda broke and even “Mr Fix It” couldn’t fix it, so it went to the garbage men. 

I Lost my job of 13yrs, got a new one in Nov of 2013. 

Trying the diet thing still…. Wifey bought me a Ninja Bullet and I have been  juicing with fruits & vegetables…. Mostly fruits, and cutting down my portions and drinking only water during the day.  I’ve lost about 14 lbs by doing this and my weight is not what it used to be. This past May the wifey bought me a bike, so I have been trying to do that as well. 

About the bike for a minute… The day after I got it I rode about 6 miles.  I rode it from my house to the boys’ soccer game and back.  That little jaunt messed up my back for about a month….. good times. 

Let’s see….I’m still smoking cigars and even landed a part time job at a cigar shop (not sure if I mentioned that before). I worked there for 2 years and then moved into another shop, which actually has the biggest humidor in the state. Upgraded to a tower humidor and cooler (or coolidor if you will). 


I bought a new car….. not sure if that was brought up before or not, so trying to tell you as much that is rolling off my brain. It’s a 2012 black Scion XB, and I love it! 

Favorite Tunes Friday will return I just need to go back and see where I left off. You seemed to enjoy that, and it was fun for me too. Not sure if I will keep that title or not though……..maybe it will be a daily thing? Who knows.

No promises, but I’m going to try and update this blog more since I’m inspired at the moment.

My New Smoking Buddy…Maybe You Know Him?

Last Sunday my brother-in-law asked me if I was interested in a smoking buddy, I replied “Hell Yeah!” since all my BOTL’s (Brother Of The Leaf) are not very close to me. He explained how this person had a massive humidor filled with all kinds of cigars. He gave me his # and left the rest up to me.

I finally got around to calling him on Tuesday night and introduced myself, he was actually at a B&M I hadn’t been to before and we shot the chit for a bit. I invited him to the herf which probably isn’t going to happen this Saturday.

I googled his name, because he told me he was a race car driver and had several world records under his belt and his latest car is a million dollar beauty….I know nothing about racing other than they usually go in circles, so I’m thinking to myself this guy can’t be all that and be from my small little town…..well everything he told me was correct, but it still didn’t dawn on me who he was.

I had done my part and I really wasn’t expecting anything else from it.

He called me on Wednesday night and asks if I had or was smoking, I told him no it was too cold he burst out in this evil maniacal laughter and asked if I wanted to come over and smoke some. My plan last night was to stay at home and clock in some time on my new game (Saints Row:The Third) I just got the night before, I couldn’t play it on Tuesday because wifey had taken over the tv so last night was my night to play………but I thought about it for about 2 seconds and said “YES!” wife was out so I text her and told I was going.

I get the directions (9 mins from my house!) and I pull up, he meets me outside and we shake hands and he invites me in to see his humi…pics below:

This is with the doors closed

Top Shelf


Still the first shelf


Second Shelf


Third Shelf


And the very bottom


And with the doors open


He started showing me his collection box by box and educating me more and more this hobby. He then asked me which one I wanted out of his humi, I didn’t want to be greedy and take his Davidoffs or anything, so I chose the Bolivar Mudaro since I hadn’t had one and have been wanting one for a few weeks now. I also brought him a Perdomo Lot 23 which to my surprise he said he hadn’t had before.






The Bolivar was a much milder than I anticipated, but it was a great smoke.

We go outside to his “office” which was basically his garage and there he proceeded to tell me about his company and what he does, I am not going to go into detail I will just tell you to google the name Marlon Kirby.

So I just wanted to tell you about my adventure  from the other night and give props to a generous and fellow BOTL.

Conversations At The Microwave

If I hadn’t told you before me and my wife work together, we carpool with my sis n law sometimes (she usually rides with us) yeah and their mom oh and their brother work here too. We do our best to save one ice glacier a day…your welcome Al Gore.

Anyway this week my wife has been very busy on a new project and we couldn’t each lunch together, so we both have been eating at our desks, which is fine with me I can surf the web and not be around drivers while trying to eat (no disrespect…just sayin’).

So the past couple of days I have had a couple of interesting conversations with coworkers…well I found them interesting anyway.

#1 I’m at the microwave and I am talking to coworker who sits directly in front of the microwave. Poor guy he has to smell all that burnt popcorn, because people don’t understand that there is a button that clearly says “POPCORN” on it and if u have a small bag u press it twice…ok end of that rant and back to the topic at hand.

So I have 8 mins to kill while my lasagna is cooking (Smart ones remember the “Chris Clay Diet?”) So I go up to his desk (2 feet away) and I look on his desk and I see his eyeglasses case which has the Batman logo on it …badass  right? Here’s the conversation:

Me – Dude, that’s awesome! I love Batman
Him – Me too, I love Batman! I really really love him (he’s Mexican people give him a break will ya? Sheesh)
Me – Oh yeah? Well check this out (I show him my Batman tattoo…he is very impressed he might even had a boner…it is a nice tattoo)
Him – That is nice!
Me – Thanks!
Him – That is really really nice! Did it hurt?
Me – Hell yeah it did, they ALL hurt, don’t let anyone tell you they dont because they are lying.
Him – I didn’t know
Me – Wanna see my “Willie?” ( I love saying that…it cracks me up)
Him – (confused) Ok?
I show him my tattoo of Willie Nelson, again he is impressed. He then continues to ask me how long it took and how much all the usual stuff people ask when they see tattoos. I fulfill his curiosity then get my lasagna and eat.

#2 (this is a good one)

Coworker – Hey man I haven’t seen you and your wife much this week in the cafeteria
(I explain to him about how she is doing a special project and blah blah blah)
Somehow the conversation switches to him and his 2nd ex wife.
Him – Man I thought being with her was cool, she worked at Target in record dept (cd’s for all you youngsters) and we used to get free tickets to concerts and stuff.
We went to Tom Petty and we went backstage and I got all fucked up, and he fucked her.
Me – Who? Tom Petty?
Him – Yeah
Me – What he hell?
Him – Man I don’t know, but that was it. I divorced her ass…served her the papers on our anniversary.
Me – Hell yeah!
Him – It wasn’t planned, it just happened that way. “Here ya go bitch, happy anniversary!”
We both kinda laugh
Me – So you were what married 4 times or something?
Him – Yeah, with her we were only together a year, so I don’t really count her.
Me – Tom Petty huh?
Him – Yeah…that son of a bitch.

Microwave dings.

“I’m Gonna Fight You!”

Last night my stepson wanted to go outside and play while mommy made dinner, so I went out with him to watch him and make sure he didn’t runaway or get kidnapped or just didn’t do anything he shouldn’t be doing.

It started out ok with him riding his bike, but then his ADD kicked in and he wanted to ride his battery operated Jeep. The night before we all sat out in the driveway and watched a local church put on a firework show and while we waited he rode the Jeep around and the battery was getting weak and we all forgot to charge it.

He tells me that he wants to ride his Jeep, I tell him that it’s dead and that the battery needs to be charged, which usually takes overnight to charge it.

“No it isn’t”

“Ok fine” I have grown tired of arguing with a four year old, so whenever he argues now, I just say “OK.”

He rides the Jeep and surprisingly it works…………until he gets out into the street and turns around to go over the little ramp back up to the driveway. Here is where it turns sour, the Jeep doesn’t have the power to make it over the ramp and he starts yelling at me.


“No” I say calmly, because he didn’t say please and I am trying to get this kid to learn his manners, if he would have said please I would have jumped up and helped  and I wasn’t going to remind him.


“No, you can push it” It’s not that heavy, even for a 4 year old.

He gets out and pushes it, to my surprise he pushes it very hard and easily (he was pissed!) he pushes it all the way up to the top of the driveway.

“I’m gonna tell mommy you yelled at me!”

“No, I didn’t” I didn’t yell, this whole entire time I was very calm and trying not to egg him on.

He goes inside and SLAMS the door, he comes out a few seconds later…


He’s carying this toy sword that if you get hit with it, it does hurt, and he comes out and he starts hitting me really fast repeatedly.


Continues hitting me

“I said stop”

Continues hitting me, so I swat his butt, it would have been harder, but the angle I was at I couldn’t reach it….he stops and just glares at me.

“Get in the house!”

Still glaring


He starts crying and he goes inside, I follow him and he stands in the kitchen.

“Get on the couch and don’t move!!”

Mommy finally has had it

“Ok what is going on”

I explain to her that he is upset because the Jeeps’ battery is dead and I calmly explain to her as I did above. After I finished she took my side and told him that he knows better than to hit people with the sword, and he stays on the couch till dinner is ready (about 10 mins if that).

Sigh……good times.


Mr. Fix It

I am not a handy man kind of guy, sure I can hammer a nail, I can use a screwdriver, I can change a tire and I can even change my own oil (I’m way out of practice, but still). So now onto my point:

This is Walt, he is my father in law he’s 71 and strong as an Ox……he is happily showing you just how strong he is here at my wedding reception:

WaltThe other day, Tuesday to be exact Walt came over for dinner and he looked my lawnmower which was giving me some problems. Walt has his own lawnmower repair service..good for me I’m family.

Walt took a look at and said I had too much oil in it, before I didn’t have enough….so I was very embarrassed and ashamed of myself, well long story short Walt fixed the mower.

Then my car wouldn’t start so he told me the previous weekend that it was my battery and it needed to be replaced, he let me borrow his battery charger and it wouldn’t charge, so I was in the process of taking the battery out to buy a new one.

Now here is where my lack of being a handyman comes into play, 1st off I don’t think the battery has ever been replaced since the screws were pretty much rusted on and was very difficult to loosen up. I did get them loose though and here is where the fun part begins, the battery is secured on the right side (passenger side) near the back of the hood, there is not a lot of room to work there and the battery is secured by a bar the goes across the top of the battery and then hooks to the front and back of it. I got the screws loose, but still could not remove it…….so of course I was pissed and just gave up and was hoping Walt could come look at it.

Walt took a look at it and again long story short he removed the bar and told me that my battery wasn’t dead…..I said well what is it then? He said the battery had corrosion on it. I said that’s it? He said yep and went to his service van and cleaned up the battery. This man had a tool for everything, he had lubricant for the screws to loosen up and he had 2 different brushes to clean up the corrosion with….this blew my mind.

I told my stepson “Man, your grandpa is pretty awesome.” He replied “Yep, he can fix anything.” He’s 4!!!!!!

So here’s to you Walt aka Mr. Fix it, I don’t know what I would have done without your help, Thank you

Dishwashers…..How I hate thee

I’ve decided I want to blog more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m starting right now.  I will be posting on this blog once a day / once a week for all of 2011.

I know it won’t be easy, but it might be fun, inspiring, awesome and wonderful. Therefore I’m promising to make use of The DailyPost, and the community of other bloggers with similiar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.

If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way.



So here goes,

I hate dishwashers, not people washing dishes, but the I was pretty much born doing dishes thanks to my mom not really as a baby, but I was pretty damn young when she taught me.

I became the dishwasher of the house, which sucked as a young male, but I understand why she did it other than her just being lazy, which was my thought at the time.

So, why do I hate dishwashers? Well I don’t understand why you have to wash the dish before putting them in the dishwasher, that doesn’t make sense to me. What’s the point? I would rather do them by hand and just be done with it.

I have heard from people that if you get a new dishwasher you don’t have to wash them, just have to rinse them off before you put them in……HELLO???????!!!!!! Really?????

I have never used a “new” dishwasher either, haven’t even seen one unless it’s on a showroom floor somewhere.

Anyone else have the same feeling as me or am I alone here? I would rather do them by hand and let them drip dry.

The Chris Clay Diet

I am a big boy….topping at over 300 lbs and I’m 6’5″ weight has been an issue with me since I was a kid….actually the whole family is overweight, my mom has had her stomach stapled and did the biariatric surgery as well.

I have had my share of diets as well, cabbage soup diet, atkins, weight watchers….you get the idea.

For my wife’s birthday my mother gave her the old treadmill, we couldn’t get it to work until her dad looked at it and told us that it needed silicone spray (hell we didn’t know, neither one of us had a treadmill before). Anyway we got it working.

There is this guy at work name is Chris Clay (hence the title….see where I’m going with this?) Chris was never a big man, but he was putting on some weight, which I’m sure it’s because of stress do to his job (pssst he’s a bigwig).

The other day I seen Chris and a lot of people were noticing that Mr. Clay had lost a lot of weight, even my wife mentioned that he had to buy some new clothes because his cureent threads were falling off the man.

I spoke to Chris and the conversation went like this:

Me: Hey Chris, man you’ve really lost a lot of weight.

Chris: Thanks

Me: What’s your secret

Chris: I do a 1/2 hour of treadmill everyday

Me: That’s it?

Chris: Yeah

Me: Wow, so have you been watching what you’ve been eating at all or no (thinking I could still eat like a pig and just do the treadmill for 1/2 an hour and be a skinny minnie)

Chris: Well I have a SMART ONES for lunch then I TRY to eat a sensible dinner, TRY is the key word

Me: Did you stop drinking

Chris: (looking at me very serious) Oh I still drink, I haven’t given up my beer.

Me: Whew lol ok. So that’s it huh?

Chris: That’s it!

Me: How much have you lost?

Chris: I started out at 238 lbs and I’m down to 209….my goal is 200 lbs.

Me: That’s awesome! How long have you been doing this?

Chris: Since January.

I have started this diet, as of Monday 5/2/2011 and it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Now I didn’t weight myself before I started because we don’t have scales yet heh. A half hour on the treadmill is a 1.7 miles and 278 calories…..I think this is pretty impressive, hey I’m a fat man and I have actually seen proof that a diet actually works.

Look I’m 42 years old and I have a stepson, I don’t want to keel over and die of a heart attack just by playing ball with the little dude in the back yard. I want to live dammit! I don’t even really have a goal, well that’s a lie I have a goal, but it’s not realistic because I would look like a crack head, but even losing 100 lbs would make me HAWT like in my college years.