Bed Space

According to Google;

The king size mattress dimensions are 76 inches wide by approximately 80 inches long – about 18 inches wider than a queen. This is the closest a couple can come to having as much personal space (38 inches) as each would have on a twin bed.

38 Inches per person is that what it says right? That’s what I see too, so riddle me this Batman, why does the wifey & I’s sleeping arrangement look more like this?

I’m not joking this is what it looks like. now let me explain the wifey & I are not small people we need our space.

I bring this up, because last night according to wifey I threw my pillow into her face when I came to bed, now I am not saying I didn’t, but it wasn’t intentional, however dear readers let me explain.

She was over on my side just a little bit more than usual with her pillow, now she will argue this til she’s blue in the face, but c’mon I bet if I took a poll of men, more than 70% would also face this dilemma.

I almost jumped up and measured her space vs mine, because I tell you dear readers my right arm (I sleep on the right side) was on the edge of the KING SIZED bed, but I was afraid I would wake her up, and then “That’s how the fight began.” So I stayed in my little coffin of a space, while she snored directly in my ear (glad I wear ear plugs, but I can still hear the thunderous roars, it’s just not as bad.

Anyway dear readers a miracle happened, it wasn’t intentional I was trying to be the good guy here, but I rolled over….not violently like normal, (sometimes it’s almost like I jump up in mid-air and turn while still in the air then come crashing down, i’m not sure how I do this, I would like to see it on video) just casually rolled over facing the left. She awoke and exclaimed in startled voice “What was that?” I didn’t respond, thinking she may be talking in her sleep. Again she said “What was that?” At this time I realized she was not in a deep slumber so I responded with “What was what?” “That shaking!” she said. I didn’t understand, so I replied with “I rolled over, but there wasn’t any shaking.”

I think what happened was I may have rolled and touched her hand, or pillow, or something since she was over on my side of the bed more than usual. Here is where the miracle happened dear readers

she rolled over back onto her side of the bed, and we both slept uninterrupted til the dawn.

So men, I ask you what is the solution to the bed stealing wives, girlfriends, or significant others in our lives? Or is there even a solution? Are we cursed to live the rest of our lives in our palaces like this? Is it just in our minds and our ladies are correct after all? Are we mad? Is there a way to put a barrier, so neither one of us wake up with black eyes or worse…divorced?

Conversations At The Microwave

If I hadn’t told you before me and my wife work together, we carpool with my sis n law sometimes (she usually rides with us) yeah and their mom oh and their brother work here too. We do our best to save one ice glacier a day…your welcome Al Gore.

Anyway this week my wife has been very busy on a new project and we couldn’t each lunch together, so we both have been eating at our desks, which is fine with me I can surf the web and not be around drivers while trying to eat (no disrespect…just sayin’).

So the past couple of days I have had a couple of interesting conversations with coworkers…well I found them interesting anyway.

#1 I’m at the microwave and I am talking to coworker who sits directly in front of the microwave. Poor guy he has to smell all that burnt popcorn, because people don’t understand that there is a button that clearly says “POPCORN” on it and if u have a small bag u press it twice…ok end of that rant and back to the topic at hand.

So I have 8 mins to kill while my lasagna is cooking (Smart ones remember the “Chris Clay Diet?”) So I go up to his desk (2 feet away) and I look on his desk and I see his eyeglasses case which has the Batman logo on it …badass  right? Here’s the conversation:

Me – Dude, that’s awesome! I love Batman
Him – Me too, I love Batman! I really really love him (he’s Mexican people give him a break will ya? Sheesh)
Me – Oh yeah? Well check this out (I show him my Batman tattoo…he is very impressed he might even had a boner…it is a nice tattoo)
Him – That is nice!
Me – Thanks!
Him – That is really really nice! Did it hurt?
Me – Hell yeah it did, they ALL hurt, don’t let anyone tell you they dont because they are lying.
Him – I didn’t know
Me – Wanna see my “Willie?” ( I love saying that…it cracks me up)
Him – (confused) Ok?
I show him my tattoo of Willie Nelson, again he is impressed. He then continues to ask me how long it took and how much all the usual stuff people ask when they see tattoos. I fulfill his curiosity then get my lasagna and eat.

#2 (this is a good one)

Coworker – Hey man I haven’t seen you and your wife much this week in the cafeteria
(I explain to him about how she is doing a special project and blah blah blah)
Somehow the conversation switches to him and his 2nd ex wife.
Him – Man I thought being with her was cool, she worked at Target in record dept (cd’s for all you youngsters) and we used to get free tickets to concerts and stuff.
We went to Tom Petty and we went backstage and I got all fucked up, and he fucked her.
Me – Who? Tom Petty?
Him – Yeah
Me – What he hell?
Him – Man I don’t know, but that was it. I divorced her ass…served her the papers on our anniversary.
Me – Hell yeah!
Him – It wasn’t planned, it just happened that way. “Here ya go bitch, happy anniversary!”
We both kinda laugh
Me – So you were what married 4 times or something?
Him – Yeah, with her we were only together a year, so I don’t really count her.
Me – Tom Petty huh?
Him – Yeah…that son of a bitch.

Microwave dings.

My Tattoos

2 posts in 1 day? Holy smokes! I thought I would share my tattoos with the world and play with adding images to my blog….hope this works.

My 1st tattoo is a doozy it was drawn by a friend in college, I thought it was a badass pic and would make a great tattoo….he now works for Marvel Comics…how cool it that? It has meaning and that is, you have to crawl through hell to find peace…cliche’ I know, but it works….there are over 250 skulls in this piece work by Jason Riggs:

My 2nd tattoo is a rip off ofJoh Frusciante’s of the Red Hot Chili Peppers tat from the Blood Sugar Sex Magik album….here’s John’s:

And here’s mine, now my artist Tat2Ray only had half a pic to work with and I think it’s awesome….the tat is not crooked, it’s my arm:

My 3rd is my love of Punk Rock and Hockey, this is the Dropkick Murphy’s also from Tat2Ray:

My next tattoo I wanted a pirate ship, but I was going through Tat2Ray’s flash art and came across 2 pics one of a Viking ship and the other of this badass bearded dude, so we talked about it and we put two and two together, I love the color in this one, and I hate red, but I like the way it looks on the ship:

Next is more Punk Rock the band Rancid (notice the DKM tatt in the background) also by Tat2Ray:

Next up also by Tat2Ray, this was done at a party after I had many beers and a bottle of Grey Goose split between me and 2 other guys, I don’t even remember getting this, I just remember standing there and then Ray saying “ok you’re done” lol, anyway this is for my love of Goofy and the movie Pulp Fiction…it’s Goofy Vega:

Next is my love of the Heavy Metal band Down also by Tat2Ray:

The next tattoo has 2 meanings 1. it’s for the Heavy Metal band Crowbar and 2. it’s and homage’ to my family in New Orleans also by Tat2Ray, he was afraid the white wouldn’t last, but it has:

I don’t remember which one of the next 2 tatts came 1st and the pics don’t help since they were both taken on the same day, 1st is up is the band Corrosion Of Conformity or C.O.C….also by Tat2Ray:

Then Iron Maiden’s Eddie from Ace’s High also by Tat2Ray:

Wanna see my Willie?  This was taken right after it was finished it looks much better now by Skot Sexton:

This next tattoo was done at a party of a friend’s, I don’t remember his name, but the tat came out pretty good, it’s of the Misftis:

Next tat is my fav it’s from this comic:

And here is the tattoo by Skot Sexton:

Next tattoo is the only one I regret the guy who did this was young and just starting out, I wanted something to add to my Octopus I would eventually like to have a full sleeve of an underwater scene, I was not prepared and he kinda talked me into this:

Next tattoo was my 40th birthday present D.R.I. also by the kid who did the shark, but this one I like:

I don’t have a photo of the next tattoo, but it’s a Star right above Batman, and I have a turtle above the Octopus will post another time and my last tattoo so far is from the band Zeke: