Bed Space

According to Google;

The king size mattress dimensions are 76 inches wide by approximately 80 inches long – about 18 inches wider than a queen. This is the closest a couple can come to having as much personal space (38 inches) as each would have on a twin bed.

38 Inches per person is that what it says right? That’s what I see too, so riddle me this Batman, why does the wifey & I’s sleeping arrangement look more like this?

I’m not joking this is what it looks like. now let me explain the wifey & I are not small people we need our space.

I bring this up, because last night according to wifey I threw my pillow into her face when I came to bed, now I am not saying I didn’t, but it wasn’t intentional, however dear readers let me explain.

She was over on my side just a little bit more than usual with her pillow, now she will argue this til she’s blue in the face, but c’mon I bet if I took a poll of men, more than 70% would also face this dilemma.

I almost jumped up and measured her space vs mine, because I tell you dear readers my right arm (I sleep on the right side) was on the edge of the KING SIZED bed, but I was afraid I would wake her up, and then “That’s how the fight began.” So I stayed in my little coffin of a space, while she snored directly in my ear (glad I wear ear plugs, but I can still hear the thunderous roars, it’s just not as bad.

Anyway dear readers a miracle happened, it wasn’t intentional I was trying to be the good guy here, but I rolled over….not violently like normal, (sometimes it’s almost like I jump up in mid-air and turn while still in the air then come crashing down, i’m not sure how I do this, I would like to see it on video) just casually rolled over facing the left. She awoke and exclaimed in startled voice “What was that?” I didn’t respond, thinking she may be talking in her sleep. Again she said “What was that?” At this time I realized she was not in a deep slumber so I responded with “What was what?” “That shaking!” she said. I didn’t understand, so I replied with “I rolled over, but there wasn’t any shaking.”

I think what happened was I may have rolled and touched her hand, or pillow, or something since she was over on my side of the bed more than usual. Here is where the miracle happened dear readers

she rolled over back onto her side of the bed, and we both slept uninterrupted til the dawn.

So men, I ask you what is the solution to the bed stealing wives, girlfriends, or significant others in our lives? Or is there even a solution? Are we cursed to live the rest of our lives in our palaces like this? Is it just in our minds and our ladies are correct after all? Are we mad? Is there a way to put a barrier, so neither one of us wake up with black eyes or worse…divorced?

Retirement

Seems weird to be retired at my age, but as of yesterday at 8 p.m. I officially retired from the cigar shop. I worked there for two years, and another one previously for another two years.

I originally sought out a part time job to just pay for my cigar obsession/hobby, since wifey said I couldn’t use our money on cigars, so I told her I was going to get a part time job to pay for it myself, which she was fine with, but neither one of us knew what a toll this would take on our lives.



    Late nights at the shop
    Missed family gatherings
    Missed ballgames
    Missed summer activities (mostly pool time)
    Missed opportunities of time with the wife in general

So, after four years I decided to give the boss my notice. He was quite shocked, but when I told him my reasoning’s he completely understood. Wife was really shocked (she had NOTHING to do with my decision, this is all on me), the guys & gals at the shop were both shocked and sad that I was leaving, but they also understood and were proud of me with my decision.

So, this past weekend was it for me. I worked 39.75 hours in four days. Had a lot of laughs, memories, fond farewells, drinks and smokes. A lot of these people I will probably never see again. Sure I said I would return, and I do plan on it, but as I mentioned it to people when they asked me “it will be awhile, but I will return.” One of my friends put it perfectly: “When you miss it, you’ll return.”

I am hoping that I can devote more time to Mr T’s Jibba Jabba, but I make no promises like in the past, as you know I am a slacker, but I will try.

It’s going to be a period of adjustment for me, I mean c’mon four years!!!! My friend said I should take up a hobby, I said “Hell, my hobbies are drinking beer, smoking cigars, and playing video games……what else is there?” He said, “Take up whittling.”

No thanks

So, I hope with my retirement I am able to do the things I missed out on, and enjoy life.

Til next time (let’s hope it’s soon)

This Week In Smokes + A Special Treat For My Readers

Well Monday Thru Thursday pretty much SUCKED, too cold to smoke, need to talk the wifey into getting a nice CHEAP WARM heater out there so her sexy man can smoke.

Come Friday though it was ON, I went to my friend Marlon’s house and he and Alan were there. I brought a TATUAJE ANARCHY from my KISSMYASHRADIO contest win from last month for Marlon to try, also Alan made the mistake of telling me he has never had a ROCKY PATEL, so I brought him a VINTAGE 1990 (I think, or maybe a 1992).

To start the night off Alan brought us each an AVO XO INTERMEZZO he said that this was the first cigar he has ever smoked, it was ok it had a Connecticut wrapper so it was very mild (I don’t mind mild cigars, I am not a snob) it was a big change from what we have been smoking I give it a 3 out of 5.

Next Marlon and myself had the Tat Anarchy….now this is what I am talking about, rich full flavors, packed a punch and just an enjoyable smoke altogether.  Just so you know I have NOT had a Tat I didn’t like, I guess you can say I am a Tat whore. 5 out of 5

Alan ordered pizza and it was just what I needed after that powerful smoke, so I had a couple of slices washed down with a Guinness Black Lager (fucking yummy!!!!!)

After that I had another TATUAJE, sorry I can’t remember which one (if anyone recognizes it please enlighten me), but yep it was awesome and another 5 out of 5

The next day Marlon k, Myself and Alan all went to a local TATUAJE/DON PEPIN GARCIA Event, I actually had $ this time to buy some sticks, they had a special buy 3 get 1 for free, so here is what I chose.

1. TATUAJE LA CASITA CRIOLLA
2. DPG LA REBOLA
3. ARTURO FUENTE DOUBLE CHATEAU
4. TATUAJE CAPA ESPRESSO

I go to get out my wallet and Marlon takes them and gives them to the guy and looks at me and says “Merry Christmas” I told him he has given me way too much for Christmas already with the Trunkador he looks at me and simply says “It’s just money, and I’m happy to do it.” The guy rings it up, I thank him again and we go and sit down, THEN he hands me an ASHTON VSG churchill and says “THIS will be OUR first smoke.”

This was a great smoke, but I think it might have been a little too much for my 1st smoke (it was a little after 12 noon) so I need to give it another try and maybe pair with a nice Cognac so it only gets a 4 out of 5 this time.

This sucker too me 2 hours to smoke, Marlon…..about an hour lol.

Marlon got up and went and bought some boxes 6…so far and returns and hands me:
1. MEDEROS Torpedo (never heard of this one)
2. TATUAJE BLACK TUBO Torpedo Marlon had smoked one the night before at his herf and offered me the tube, I declined, because I don’t feel it’s right to take a band or a tube unless I have personally smoked it….he reminded me of this as he handed me the smoke. (that was my next smoke btw) Do I really need to say it? 5 out of 5

We sat and met a man named Mark  he mentioned that he was here and purchased a few TATUAJE WOLFMEN, (now to give you a bit of a background: Every October Tatuaje releases VERY limited releases of cigars named after monster, so far they have had THE DRAC,, THE FRANK, BORIS, THE FACE & WOLFMAN….once they are gone, they are gone and only if you are given one or lucky to pay higher than you should will you get one) he gave one to Marlon and told me that he only had 1 or he would give me one, I told him that was fine and I was good and thanked him anyway.

Alan was leaving and he gave me an ARTURO FUENTE DON CARLOS.

Marlon got up again and went to the register bought another box and came back and handed me an ALEC BRADLEY FAMILY BLEND (it was next to meet it’s demise) like the tats I have not had an AB that I didn’t like 5 out of 5

Then Mark comes back and really surprises me by dropping a Wolfman in my lap, he says “I found out that I have an extra one so here you go.” I tripped over myself thanking him and he said “Hey cigars are for sharing, that’s what it’s all about.”

So in total I walked out with 9 cigars and smoked 3, and only paid $1.50 for a bottled water……UNBELIEVABLE!

Here are some pics of the place and the event “specials”

Here’s me & Marlon enjoying our smokes

Now for your treat, I got the TRUNKADOR all set up and I decided to shar with you my stash.

This is my little corner where wifey lets me keep my cigars on top of the trunk from left to right starting with the front row:

  • Box filled with the cigar bands I have smoked + my lighters & cutters
  • 15 count HERF A DOR
  • Distilled Water
  • TUPPADOR filled with empty bags & fuel for my lighters
  • TUPPADOR with infused or flavored cigars (have to keep them separate from the regular cigars

This is my cigar bands, lighters & cutters box

My infused TUPPADOR

The TRUNKADOR opened, on top is my small 20 count HUMIDOR to the right is a mixed box of singles Marlon gave me, to the left is just some misc sticks without cellophane and below all that is my 150 count HUMIDOR

Next is the misc sticks spread out on top of the bottom humi

And then the 150 count HUMIDOR opened

And one last pic for your viewing pleasure

Simma down ladies, I’m spoken for.

My New Smoking Buddy…Maybe You Know Him?

Last Sunday my brother-in-law asked me if I was interested in a smoking buddy, I replied “Hell Yeah!” since all my BOTL’s (Brother Of The Leaf) are not very close to me. He explained how this person had a massive humidor filled with all kinds of cigars. He gave me his # and left the rest up to me.

I finally got around to calling him on Tuesday night and introduced myself, he was actually at a B&M I hadn’t been to before and we shot the chit for a bit. I invited him to the herf which probably isn’t going to happen this Saturday.

I googled his name, because he told me he was a race car driver and had several world records under his belt and his latest car is a million dollar beauty….I know nothing about racing other than they usually go in circles, so I’m thinking to myself this guy can’t be all that and be from my small little town…..well everything he told me was correct, but it still didn’t dawn on me who he was.

I had done my part and I really wasn’t expecting anything else from it.

He called me on Wednesday night and asks if I had or was smoking, I told him no it was too cold he burst out in this evil maniacal laughter and asked if I wanted to come over and smoke some. My plan last night was to stay at home and clock in some time on my new game (Saints Row:The Third) I just got the night before, I couldn’t play it on Tuesday because wifey had taken over the tv so last night was my night to play………but I thought about it for about 2 seconds and said “YES!” wife was out so I text her and told I was going.

I get the directions (9 mins from my house!) and I pull up, he meets me outside and we shake hands and he invites me in to see his humi…pics below:

This is with the doors closed

Top Shelf

 

Still the first shelf

 

Second Shelf

 

Third Shelf

 

And the very bottom

 

And with the doors open

 

He started showing me his collection box by box and educating me more and more this hobby. He then asked me which one I wanted out of his humi, I didn’t want to be greedy and take his Davidoffs or anything, so I chose the Bolivar Mudaro since I hadn’t had one and have been wanting one for a few weeks now. I also brought him a Perdomo Lot 23 which to my surprise he said he hadn’t had before.

 

 

 

 

 

The Bolivar was a much milder than I anticipated, but it was a great smoke.

We go outside to his “office” which was basically his garage and there he proceeded to tell me about his company and what he does, I am not going to go into detail I will just tell you to google the name Marlon Kirby.

So I just wanted to tell you about my adventure  from the other night and give props to a generous and fellow BOTL.

This Week In Smokes

Well it’s been a pretty slow week for smoking, I have been fighting a cold and I didn’t want to chance ruining my smokes do to my illness.

But fear no my loyal readers for I do have SOMETHING to post about.

Over at the CigarAsylum they had a contest for the longest ash, and another for the biggest fail (meaning pics of the destruction of your ash) I submitted these, I don’t remember the 1st cigar, I believe it was a Diesel Unholy Cocktail. Anyway I had about an inch and a 1/2 on it and this happened:

This was on Friday I believe, Saturday I listened to KissMyAshRadio and I won a $50 gift certificate for answering a movie trivia question, they play a clip of a movie and you guess which one it is….mine was True Romance.

Here is what I purchased with my GC:

The sticks are:

  1. My Uzi Weighs A Ton
  2. CAO Brazilia Amazon
  3. Tatuaje Anarchy (exclusive from SmokeInn.com who also do the radio show…I was actually told to get a 5er of these, that alone was $49.99 and since I am still new to cigars and want to try everything under the sun I opted for 2 of these)
  4. Liga Privada Undercrown (these are new and everyone is raving about them)
  5. Kristoff Sumatra ( I freaking LOVE Kristoffs, I haven’t had this brand yet, so I had to try it)

Not too bad eh?

Sunday while at the inlaws I thought I would try the contest again, this time it was with a Gurkha the last Gurkha if you recall bored me to tears, this one was MUCH better.

As you can see I got more ash on this one, but still not enough to win, I believe the winner had a 3.5 inch and the destruction ended up on his chest, crotch and leg. no pics of my destruction, and I easily beat 3 inches, but my phone died and I couldn’t take the pic

Monday I received a package as part of a trade, I gave the guy some 6 finger slot bags and in return he gave me…….some CUBANS….shhhhhh……check it out and watch the drool, I had to

Included are:

  1. Partagas
  2. Ramon Allones
  3. Padilla Corojo Torpedo
  4. Camacho Quinto Corte Torpedo
  5. LA Herencia Oscuro Fuerte
  6. Padron 1964 Anniversary Series Box Press Lancero

He told me to watch out for the Camacho, because it might kill me and the Padilla is from 2006 and smoking very nice right now.

No smoking from Sunday till Yesterday, I couldn’t take it I was Jonzin’ for a cigar so I lit up one that I wasn’t familiar with, but also wasn’t in in hurry to smoke, boy did it suck too. It was Puros Indios Torpedo and it just tasted bad and left a bad taste in my mouth.

Today I tried again and with the wife’s advice to try one I have had before so I had a Cusano 18 Double Connecticut Robusto and it was great….no pics…suffer.

Conversations At The Microwave

If I hadn’t told you before me and my wife work together, we carpool with my sis n law sometimes (she usually rides with us) yeah and their mom oh and their brother work here too. We do our best to save one ice glacier a day…your welcome Al Gore.

Anyway this week my wife has been very busy on a new project and we couldn’t each lunch together, so we both have been eating at our desks, which is fine with me I can surf the web and not be around drivers while trying to eat (no disrespect…just sayin’).

So the past couple of days I have had a couple of interesting conversations with coworkers…well I found them interesting anyway.

#1 I’m at the microwave and I am talking to coworker who sits directly in front of the microwave. Poor guy he has to smell all that burnt popcorn, because people don’t understand that there is a button that clearly says “POPCORN” on it and if u have a small bag u press it twice…ok end of that rant and back to the topic at hand.

So I have 8 mins to kill while my lasagna is cooking (Smart ones remember the “Chris Clay Diet?”) So I go up to his desk (2 feet away) and I look on his desk and I see his eyeglasses case which has the Batman logo on it …badass  right? Here’s the conversation:

Me – Dude, that’s awesome! I love Batman
Him – Me too, I love Batman! I really really love him (he’s Mexican people give him a break will ya? Sheesh)
Me – Oh yeah? Well check this out (I show him my Batman tattoo…he is very impressed he might even had a boner…it is a nice tattoo)
Him – That is nice!
Me – Thanks!
Him – That is really really nice! Did it hurt?
Me – Hell yeah it did, they ALL hurt, don’t let anyone tell you they dont because they are lying.
Him – I didn’t know
Me – Wanna see my “Willie?” ( I love saying that…it cracks me up)
Him – (confused) Ok?
I show him my tattoo of Willie Nelson, again he is impressed. He then continues to ask me how long it took and how much all the usual stuff people ask when they see tattoos. I fulfill his curiosity then get my lasagna and eat.

#2 (this is a good one)

Coworker – Hey man I haven’t seen you and your wife much this week in the cafeteria
(I explain to him about how she is doing a special project and blah blah blah)
Somehow the conversation switches to him and his 2nd ex wife.
Him – Man I thought being with her was cool, she worked at Target in record dept (cd’s for all you youngsters) and we used to get free tickets to concerts and stuff.
We went to Tom Petty and we went backstage and I got all fucked up, and he fucked her.
Me – Who? Tom Petty?
Him – Yeah
Me – What he hell?
Him – Man I don’t know, but that was it. I divorced her ass…served her the papers on our anniversary.
Me – Hell yeah!
Him – It wasn’t planned, it just happened that way. “Here ya go bitch, happy anniversary!”
We both kinda laugh
Me – So you were what married 4 times or something?
Him – Yeah, with her we were only together a year, so I don’t really count her.
Me – Tom Petty huh?
Him – Yeah…that son of a bitch.

Microwave dings.

Unemployment Has It’s Moments

My best friend is currently unemployed and this is an actual text conversation we had…..enjoy.

HIM – “There is a movie on now with Bill Cosby playing Satan lol”
*Come I can’t make this up* <— These are my thoughts to you dear readers.

ME – “OMG!!! Title plz?”

HIM – “The Devil And Max Devlin…also features Elliott Gould”

ME – “Nice!!”
*I mean come on, Bill Cosby as Satan and also co-starring Elliott Gould????? This is hig grade bad cinema!*

HIM – “Nothing says Evil like Cliff Huxtable”
*couldn’t have said it better myself*

HIM – “Satan is at a dirt bike race at the moment”
*Is this not amazing?*

ME – “Dayum this is good shit!”

HIM – “That little dildo kid from 8 Is Enough is also in it”
*Now I can’t believe what I just read*

ME – “Adam Rich?”

HIM – “Exactly…man you can’t remember what happened last week but you are all over Adam Rich…amazing”
*It’s true, I can’t remember a sentence you told me 5 mins ago, but I can rattle off unimportant shit like this constantly….I should have been on one of those game shows*

ME – “Lol…It boggles mine and my wife’s mind too”

HIM – “So many Cosby jokes spring to mind with him as Satan…tortured souls say the darndest things…Ok Elliott Gould has sold his soul to Cosby….and Gould used the satanic influence he has gained to help a long haired kid win dirt bike race lol….so according to Christian theology we live in a world in which George Burns and Bill Cosby are fighting for our souls…I am going to church on Sunday with popcorn”
*Who writes this stuff?? It’s golden*

So I did some research to find pics for this blog….check em’ out and if you have seen this movie tell me more!