This Week In Smokes X2

Well it has been a couple of weeks…..maybe longer since I have updated this topic on my blog, due to the revamping of the site, which took longer than expected…..so without further ado I will try to go by memory.

Sunday the 4th of Dec when the wifey went to church. I had a Partagas 10….. since the weather was nice a very good smoke 5 out of 5, haven’t had a bad Partagas yet.

I also decided to try a CAO Earth Nectar this was a flavored cigar, that wasn’t great and wasn’t bad…….would not buy another, but if someone gave me one I would smoke it. so a 3 out 5

On the 5th of Dec I received a very nice, thoughtful bomb from someone on http://www.cigarasylum.com I won’t go into the details, because that’s a whole nother blog that I don’t want to get into right now, here are the sticks:

1. Diesel Shorty
2. Bolivar Robusto
3. Liga Privada Undercrown Gran Toro
4. AVO Heritage Toro
5. Perdomo Habano Maduro Robusto

The next day I received these beauties from another member of CA:

Included are 3 Gold 5 Vegas & 2 Gold Maduro 5 Vegas, + Cigar.com matches and advertisements.

On Tuesday the 6th I smoked my 2nd worst smoke (1st was the Gurkha European Selection) this one was the MAN O’ WAR Virtue, I actually pitched this after the 1st third…0 out of 5, will NOT smoke again.

On the 7th I received another bomb from a member of the CA this time was because I posted an “empty” pic of the TRUNKADOR….I don’t think so, but he felt obligated to bomb me anyway.

1. Indian Tabac Maduro Boxpress
2. Lot No. 826 Churchill Perdomo
3. Nica Libre 1990 Churchill Boxpress
4. Oliva “G” Series Boxpress Torpedo
5. La Pearla Black Pearl Toro Torpedo Box Press

+ 5 pack of 5 Vegas Classic Maduro Robusto

That night I had a Cohiba ‘Red Dot’ this was my 2nd one I had ever had, and this one was 10x’s better than the 1st a def 5 out 5.

Saturday the 10th my mother threw a Christmas part and I took some smokes with me, 1st up is a no name brand….a member of CA decided to start rolling his own and he named it after his dog “Roxy” he graciously sent me one of his Maduro to try.

This cigar has the best smell of any cigar I have ever smelt and this was without even lighting it, just amazing and it smoked just as well. A def 5 out of 5

Next I had a Tatuaje……um sorry I forget which one, and my notes aren’t helping, but once again I have not had a bad Tat 5 out of 5

Next was the smoke of the night Liga Privada Undercrown, this was not from the one that was just bombed to me, this was one I won from KissMyAshRadio.com back in Oct. 5 out of 5

That bottle behind it? Yeah that’s what I paired it with….DELICIOUS!

On CA I submitted my MAW (Make A Wish) and a member sent these to fulfill my wish

1. 601 Blue Maduro (wish)
2. Old Henry Maduro (Wish)
3. Liga Privada No. 9 (Wish)
4. 601 Red
5. Alec Bradley 1997 Harvest Selection
6. Alec Bradley Select Cabinet Reserve

Also on the same day I received my 2nd prize from KissMyAshRadio.com (I won again!!!!!)

1. 5er of Brickhouse
2. 5er of Casa De Garcia
3. 5er of E Doble

On Tuesdaythe 13th Marlon came over to my house and brought me a very nice stick…….a Davidoff Double R….now these are about $31 a stick…..def worth it, but I just can’t see myself buying a box anytime soon….too much, but still a 5 out of 5

Friday was our usual Herf at Marlon’s house he had some boxes come in this week and couldn’t wait to share some with me and Alan, so I just brought some cheap smokes with me, nothing special hell I didn’t even get to them. He gave me a Liga Privada Undercrown (because I had been raving about the one I smoked at my mom’s party he bought a box)

And one that’s quickly becoming a fav of mine Nat Sherman, this one was the Suave and yep 5 out of 5

Saturday I had some Christmas shopping and I stopped at the local B&M to buy for my Secret Santa on CA and Marlon met me up there, I bought a Macanudo 1968 & a Saint Louis Rey

Marlon also bought a Macanudo 1968 and we both smoked it, we both thought it was boring smoke a 3 out of 5

Afterwards Marlon handed me one he just bought (he bought 2 of these) a 601 Green Label MUCH MUCH better 5 out of 5 I am loving these 601′s.

Now a little something extra for you my readers, when Marlon came over I showed him my Trunkador set up and he said I should empty out my humidors and jut put my sticks in there by themselves…..so here ya go.

Ignore the temps, I had it open for awhile so the temp dropped, but all is good sitting at 72%!

This Week In Smokes + A Special Treat For My Readers

Well Monday Thru Thursday pretty much SUCKED, too cold to smoke, need to talk the wifey into getting a nice CHEAP WARM heater out there so her sexy man can smoke.

Come Friday though it was ON, I went to my friend Marlon’s house and he and Alan were there. I brought a TATUAJE ANARCHY from my KISSMYASHRADIO contest win from last month for Marlon to try, also Alan made the mistake of telling me he has never had a ROCKY PATEL, so I brought him a VINTAGE 1990 (I think, or maybe a 1992).

To start the night off Alan brought us each an AVO XO INTERMEZZO he said that this was the first cigar he has ever smoked, it was ok it had a Connecticut wrapper so it was very mild (I don’t mind mild cigars, I am not a snob) it was a big change from what we have been smoking I give it a 3 out of 5.

Next Marlon and myself had the Tat Anarchy….now this is what I am talking about, rich full flavors, packed a punch and just an enjoyable smoke altogether.  Just so you know I have NOT had a Tat I didn’t like, I guess you can say I am a Tat whore. 5 out of 5

Alan ordered pizza and it was just what I needed after that powerful smoke, so I had a couple of slices washed down with a Guinness Black Lager (fucking yummy!!!!!)

After that I had another TATUAJE, sorry I can’t remember which one (if anyone recognizes it please enlighten me), but yep it was awesome and another 5 out of 5

The next day Marlon k, Myself and Alan all went to a local TATUAJE/DON PEPIN GARCIA Event, I actually had $ this time to buy some sticks, they had a special buy 3 get 1 for free, so here is what I chose.

1. TATUAJE LA CASITA CRIOLLA
2. DPG LA REBOLA
3. ARTURO FUENTE DOUBLE CHATEAU
4. TATUAJE CAPA ESPRESSO

I go to get out my wallet and Marlon takes them and gives them to the guy and looks at me and says “Merry Christmas” I told him he has given me way too much for Christmas already with the Trunkador he looks at me and simply says “It’s just money, and I’m happy to do it.” The guy rings it up, I thank him again and we go and sit down, THEN he hands me an ASHTON VSG churchill and says “THIS will be OUR first smoke.”

This was a great smoke, but I think it might have been a little too much for my 1st smoke (it was a little after 12 noon) so I need to give it another try and maybe pair with a nice Cognac so it only gets a 4 out of 5 this time.

This sucker too me 2 hours to smoke, Marlon…..about an hour lol.

Marlon got up and went and bought some boxes 6…so far and returns and hands me:
1. MEDEROS Torpedo (never heard of this one)
2. TATUAJE BLACK TUBO Torpedo Marlon had smoked one the night before at his herf and offered me the tube, I declined, because I don’t feel it’s right to take a band or a tube unless I have personally smoked it….he reminded me of this as he handed me the smoke. (that was my next smoke btw) Do I really need to say it? 5 out of 5

We sat and met a man named Mark  he mentioned that he was here and purchased a few TATUAJE WOLFMEN, (now to give you a bit of a background: Every October Tatuaje releases VERY limited releases of cigars named after monster, so far they have had THE DRAC,, THE FRANK, BORIS, THE FACE & WOLFMAN….once they are gone, they are gone and only if you are given one or lucky to pay higher than you should will you get one) he gave one to Marlon and told me that he only had 1 or he would give me one, I told him that was fine and I was good and thanked him anyway.

Alan was leaving and he gave me an ARTURO FUENTE DON CARLOS.

Marlon got up again and went to the register bought another box and came back and handed me an ALEC BRADLEY FAMILY BLEND (it was next to meet it’s demise) like the tats I have not had an AB that I didn’t like 5 out of 5

Then Mark comes back and really surprises me by dropping a Wolfman in my lap, he says “I found out that I have an extra one so here you go.” I tripped over myself thanking him and he said “Hey cigars are for sharing, that’s what it’s all about.”

So in total I walked out with 9 cigars and smoked 3, and only paid $1.50 for a bottled water……UNBELIEVABLE!

Here are some pics of the place and the event “specials”

Here’s me & Marlon enjoying our smokes

Now for your treat, I got the TRUNKADOR all set up and I decided to shar with you my stash.

This is my little corner where wifey lets me keep my cigars on top of the trunk from left to right starting with the front row:

• Box filled with the cigar bands I have smoked + my lighters & cutters
• 15 count HERF A DOR
• Distilled Water
• TUPPADOR filled with empty bags & fuel for my lighters
• TUPPADOR with infused or flavored cigars (have to keep them separate from the regular cigars

This is my cigar bands, lighters & cutters box

My infused TUPPADOR

The TRUNKADOR opened, on top is my small 20 count HUMIDOR to the right is a mixed box of singles Marlon gave me, to the left is just some misc sticks without cellophane and below all that is my 150 count HUMIDOR

Next is the misc sticks spread out on top of the bottom humi

And then the 150 count HUMIDOR opened

And one last pic for your viewing pleasure

Simma down ladies, I’m spoken for.

My New Smoking Buddy…Maybe You Know Him?

Last Sunday my brother-in-law asked me if I was interested in a smoking buddy, I replied “Hell Yeah!” since all my BOTL’s (Brother Of The Leaf) are not very close to me. He explained how this person had a massive humidor filled with all kinds of cigars. He gave me his # and left the rest up to me.

I finally got around to calling him on Tuesday night and introduced myself, he was actually at a B&M I hadn’t been to before and we shot the chit for a bit. I invited him to the herf which probably isn’t going to happen this Saturday.

I googled his name, because he told me he was a race car driver and had several world records under his belt and his latest car is a million dollar beauty….I know nothing about racing other than they usually go in circles, so I’m thinking to myself this guy can’t be all that and be from my small little town…..well everything he told me was correct, but it still didn’t dawn on me who he was.

I had done my part and I really wasn’t expecting anything else from it.

He called me on Wednesday night and asks if I had or was smoking, I told him no it was too cold he burst out in this evil maniacal laughter and asked if I wanted to come over and smoke some. My plan last night was to stay at home and clock in some time on my new game (Saints Row:The Third) I just got the night before, I couldn’t play it on Tuesday because wifey had taken over the tv so last night was my night to play………but I thought about it for about 2 seconds and said “YES!” wife was out so I text her and told I was going.

I get the directions (9 mins from my house!) and I pull up, he meets me outside and we shake hands and he invites me in to see his humi…pics below:

This is with the doors closed

Top Shelf

 

Still the first shelf

 

Second Shelf

 

Third Shelf

 

And the very bottom

 

And with the doors open

 

He started showing me his collection box by box and educating me more and more this hobby. He then asked me which one I wanted out of his humi, I didn’t want to be greedy and take his Davidoffs or anything, so I chose the Bolivar Mudaro since I hadn’t had one and have been wanting one for a few weeks now. I also brought him a Perdomo Lot 23 which to my surprise he said he hadn’t had before.

 

 

 

 

 

The Bolivar was a much milder than I anticipated, but it was a great smoke.

We go outside to his “office” which was basically his garage and there he proceeded to tell me about his company and what he does, I am not going to go into detail I will just tell you to google the name Marlon Kirby.

So I just wanted to tell you about my adventure  from the other night and give props to a generous and fellow BOTL.

This Week In Smokes

Well it’s been a pretty slow week for smoking, I have been fighting a cold and I didn’t want to chance ruining my smokes do to my illness.

But fear no my loyal readers for I do have SOMETHING to post about.

Over at the CigarAsylum they had a contest for the longest ash, and another for the biggest fail (meaning pics of the destruction of your ash) I submitted these, I don’t remember the 1st cigar, I believe it was a Diesel Unholy Cocktail. Anyway I had about an inch and a 1/2 on it and this happened:

This was on Friday I believe, Saturday I listened to KissMyAshRadio and I won a $50 gift certificate for answering a movie trivia question, they play a clip of a movie and you guess which one it is….mine was True Romance.

Here is what I purchased with my GC:

The sticks are:

1. My Uzi Weighs A Ton
2. CAO Brazilia Amazon
3. Tatuaje Anarchy (exclusive from SmokeInn.com who also do the radio show…I was actually told to get a 5er of these, that alone was $49.99 and since I am still new to cigars and want to try everything under the sun I opted for 2 of these)
4. Liga Privada Undercrown (these are new and everyone is raving about them)
5. Kristoff Sumatra ( I freaking LOVE Kristoffs, I haven’t had this brand yet, so I had to try it)

Not too bad eh?

Sunday while at the inlaws I thought I would try the contest again, this time it was with a Gurkha the last Gurkha if you recall bored me to tears, this one was MUCH better.

As you can see I got more ash on this one, but still not enough to win, I believe the winner had a 3.5 inch and the destruction ended up on his chest, crotch and leg. no pics of my destruction, and I easily beat 3 inches, but my phone died and I couldn’t take the pic

Monday I received a package as part of a trade, I gave the guy some 6 finger slot bags and in return he gave me…….some CUBANS….shhhhhh……check it out and watch the drool, I had to

Included are:

1. Partagas
2. Ramon Allones
3. Padilla Corojo Torpedo
4. Camacho Quinto Corte Torpedo
5. LA Herencia Oscuro Fuerte
6. Padron 1964 Anniversary Series Box Press Lancero

He told me to watch out for the Camacho, because it might kill me and the Padilla is from 2006 and smoking very nice right now.

No smoking from Sunday till Yesterday, I couldn’t take it I was Jonzin’ for a cigar so I lit up one that I wasn’t familiar with, but also wasn’t in in hurry to smoke, boy did it suck too. It was Puros Indios Torpedo and it just tasted bad and left a bad taste in my mouth.

Today I tried again and with the wife’s advice to try one I have had before so I had a Cusano 18 Double Connecticut Robusto and it was great….no pics…suffer.

Bombarded By Bees & Favorite Tunes Friday the Saturday Edition

Today wifey and I took the boy to the apple orchard to get some apples and let him pick out a pumpkin.

We get there and he wants to play on the swingset with the other kids, but instead of playing with the other kids he plays alone in the straw….I guess that’s pretty common for an only child.

After a few mins of that he wants to pick out a pumpkin, we go and find 2, however he doesn’t want to carry any of them heh, so I haul them back to the car while he and mommy go to the apple and cider and produce section.

I join them and wifey keeps asking me to get some cider (I love cider, but for $5 a gallon & $3 a 1/2 gallon I can do without). We ended up buying a pint of apple butter.

We go to the concession stand because I want an Elephant Ear, I LOVE them, but they are not like the fairs…bummer, I still get one, actually we get two + a water a cider for me and a cider slushy for the boy.

As were standing there waiting to order bees are EVERYWHERE and I do mean EVERYWHERE….I don’t like bees!

We get up there and order our stuff and I ask the lady at the counter if they get stung a lot “mmmm not too bad, we will usually grab one by accident, and the other day one flew up my shirt and stung me…..NOT FAIR!”

Did you just read that? OMG!!!!!!!!! have I told you I hate bees? well I HATE THEM, Bill Maher says there is a shortage of bees…..GOOD RIDDANCE!!!! I don’t care they suck!

THEY CAN SMELL FEAR!!!!!

So, we get our food and yep the bees surround us, so we walk away from the food and the other bees with food in tow, we go to the swingset area again thinking we would be far away enough……NOT!!!! THEY FOLLOWED US!!!!

We tried moving further away, no good so wifey says “We will probably have to eat them in the car” bummer, but ok I’m game.

We all move to the car and you should have seen how fast this big boy can get the food, the boy and himself in the car.

NO BEES!

We enjoy our treat and they (the bees) come the window…..I’m not lying! It was like that moie where the bees cover the VW and they have to go to the football stadium and freeze the bees off……ok not that bad, but it was pretty terrifying none the less….heh.

A couple of weeks ago I was at a herf and there was a bee and I’m ducking and jiving trying to get away from it, one of they guys thought this was entertaining and made the comment “Really? You have all those tattoos and your scared of a little bee sting?” I had to laugh at that,

So that was my Saturday.

Sorry I missed Favorite Tunes Friday and I am not going to do a double shot, just the one.

Today I bring you

38 SPECIAL

I love this band, and I feel they never got their due, sure they had some big hits and they are loved and respected all over the Classic Radio stations, but a majority of people won’t put them up there with all the other greats….I will.

I had the pleasure of seeing them live twice…the 1st time they had Eddie Money open up for them and the 2nd they opened for Bon Jovi (REALLY???? I couldn’t believe it….they didn’t even play Hold On Loosely, it was a pretty shitty show).

This video is the very 1st song I ever heard from 38 Special where I fell in love with this band, I then went back and discovered their earlier better stuff, but this one popped my cherry with this band and it still tests the time.

Enjoy!

Conversations At The Microwave

If I hadn’t told you before me and my wife work together, we carpool with my sis n law sometimes (she usually rides with us) yeah and their mom oh and their brother work here too. We do our best to save one ice glacier a day…your welcome Al Gore.

Anyway this week my wife has been very busy on a new project and we couldn’t each lunch together, so we both have been eating at our desks, which is fine with me I can surf the web and not be around drivers while trying to eat (no disrespect…just sayin’).

So the past couple of days I have had a couple of interesting conversations with coworkers…well I found them interesting anyway.

#1 I’m at the microwave and I am talking to coworker who sits directly in front of the microwave. Poor guy he has to smell all that burnt popcorn, because people don’t understand that there is a button that clearly says “POPCORN” on it and if u have a small bag u press it twice…ok end of that rant and back to the topic at hand.

So I have 8 mins to kill while my lasagna is cooking (Smart ones remember the “Chris Clay Diet?”) So I go up to his desk (2 feet away) and I look on his desk and I see his eyeglasses case which has the Batman logo on it …badass  right? Here’s the conversation:

Me – Dude, that’s awesome! I love Batman
Him – Me too, I love Batman! I really really love him (he’s Mexican people give him a break will ya? Sheesh)
Me – Oh yeah? Well check this out (I show him my Batman tattoo…he is very impressed he might even had a boner…it is a nice tattoo)
Him – That is nice!
Me – Thanks!
Him – That is really really nice! Did it hurt?
Me – Hell yeah it did, they ALL hurt, don’t let anyone tell you they dont because they are lying.
Him – I didn’t know
Me – Wanna see my “Willie?” ( I love saying that…it cracks me up)
Him – (confused) Ok?
I show him my tattoo of Willie Nelson, again he is impressed. He then continues to ask me how long it took and how much all the usual stuff people ask when they see tattoos. I fulfill his curiosity then get my lasagna and eat.

#2 (this is a good one)

Coworker – Hey man I haven’t seen you and your wife much this week in the cafeteria
(I explain to him about how she is doing a special project and blah blah blah)
Somehow the conversation switches to him and his 2nd ex wife.
Him – Man I thought being with her was cool, she worked at Target in record dept (cd’s for all you youngsters) and we used to get free tickets to concerts and stuff.
We went to Tom Petty and we went backstage and I got all fucked up, and he fucked her.
Me – Who? Tom Petty?
Him – Yeah
Me – What he hell?
Him – Man I don’t know, but that was it. I divorced her ass…served her the papers on our anniversary.
Me – Hell yeah!
Him – It wasn’t planned, it just happened that way. “Here ya go bitch, happy anniversary!”
We both kinda laugh
Me – So you were what married 4 times or something?
Him – Yeah, with her we were only together a year, so I don’t really count her.
Me – Tom Petty huh?
Him – Yeah…that son of a bitch.

Microwave dings.

Unemployment Has It’s Moments

My best friend is currently unemployed and this is an actual text conversation we had…..enjoy.

HIM – “There is a movie on now with Bill Cosby playing Satan lol”
*Come I can’t make this up* <— These are my thoughts to you dear readers.

ME – “OMG!!! Title plz?”

HIM – “The Devil And Max Devlin…also features Elliott Gould”

ME – “Nice!!”
*I mean come on, Bill Cosby as Satan and also co-starring Elliott Gould????? This is hig grade bad cinema!*

HIM – “Nothing says Evil like Cliff Huxtable”
*couldn’t have said it better myself*

HIM – “Satan is at a dirt bike race at the moment”
*Is this not amazing?*

ME – “Dayum this is good shit!”

HIM – “That little dildo kid from 8 Is Enough is also in it”
*Now I can’t believe what I just read*

ME – “Adam Rich?”

HIM – “Exactly…man you can’t remember what happened last week but you are all over Adam Rich…amazing”
*It’s true, I can’t remember a sentence you told me 5 mins ago, but I can rattle off unimportant shit like this constantly….I should have been on one of those game shows*

ME – “Lol…It boggles mine and my wife’s mind too”

HIM – “So many Cosby jokes spring to mind with him as Satan…tortured souls say the darndest things…Ok Elliott Gould has sold his soul to Cosby….and Gould used the satanic influence he has gained to help a long haired kid win dirt bike race lol….so according to Christian theology we live in a world in which George Burns and Bill Cosby are fighting for our souls…I am going to church on Sunday with popcorn”
*Who writes this stuff?? It’s golden*

So I did some research to find pics for this blog….check em’ out and if you have seen this movie tell me more!

You’re Never Gonna Believe This One…..

Last night I got the ok to buy a brand new mower……If you have been following my blog you will know that my mortal enemy as of late is the lawnmower.

So, last night after work we had it all planned out, go grocery shopping then have “Mr. Fix It” meet at our house so he could go with us and tell us which mowers were good and which were junk (if you recall he fixes mowers for a living, but mine is the ANTI-MOWER!).

Me and wifey end up going to dinner because we were hungry and we didn’t want to buy up the whole store…ever been shopping when you were hungry? It’s torture, and “Mr. Fix It” was going to eat dinner at my bro/sis in laws house while he waited for us to call him…..we didn’t go grocery shopping because it got too late and I couldn’t wait to buy my new mower.

After dinner we get “Mr. Fix It” and he follows us in his company van to store #1.

We look at the selection or lack there of for our budget and decided that this wasn’t the store for us.

We go to store # 2 and “Mr. Fix It” leaves his van at store #1, we would buy the mower load it in our car and drop him off at his van on the way home right? Just wait.

We get to store # 2 and they had a little bit better selection, but not by much and we still weren’t satisfied, so off to store #3.

We get in the car, I turn the key in the ignition and nothing but click click click……we all look at each other and sweat starts to appear on me (it’s 94 degrees outside with a heat index of 115), I try it again same result…click click click.

“Mr. Fix It” says the battery is dead….all I can think of is there goes my mower……so wifey says do they sell them here at store# 2? He says he doesn’t think so….I go in and check and sure enough they do not….awesome!

We call the sis-in-law she comes and takes us all to “Mr. Fix It’s” van and wifey and sis-in-law go back to her house, no room for wifey in the van and no reason for her to sweat it out.

Me and “Mr. Fix It” go to store #3 to buy a new car battery….it’s about 8:45pm and we still haven’t been home from work. We get to the car battery section and look up our car……..THEY DON’T HAVE IT IN STOCK!!!! In fact, THEY DON’T EVEN CARRY THE KIND WE NEED!!!!! The store is deserted and I go to look for help.

I walk to the sporting good section….deserted, electronics…..only 2 people there and they are busy…..cameras…..deserted…..shoe dept….I spy a worker walking down the main aisle of the store and I say “Help, help, can you help me please?” She looks me dead in the eye and keeps walking!!!! “Really? You’re just going to keep walking? Nice!!!”

Another lady comes up and I ask her for help, she says she will try to get someone, I thank her and head back to the batteries. I tell “Mr. Fix It” about it and he is trying to find the battery we need……no one shows up to help…we continue to look for the battery still no luck.

Still no one has come to help…..”Mr. Fix It” looks at my battery and this other battery that is clearly not the right battery and he starts measuring it up with his eyes. He takes out his tape measurer and starts measuring the new battery…..still no help has arrived. He goes back and forth measuring them and finally he says “This one will work!” I say “Are you sure?” Like I have any right to question “Mr. Fix It.” “He says “Oh yeah.”

I shrug and agree with him…..$80 later and I have a new battery, we decide to look at the lawn mowers while we there there, since this was the next store on the list anyway….they were all junk.

We go back to the car and install the battery….all good right? Just wait.

I turn the key in the ignition and it starts HOORAY I think, but “Mr. Fix It” knows better, he goes to his van and pulls out a battery tester, the dude is like Batman with his utility belt!

He hooks it up and tells me to push the gas a little bit, I do and he kills all my happiness with these words….”It’s not charging.”

WHAT?????????????? Seriously? It’s brand spanking new, how the hell could it not be charging??????

Then he gives me this real serious look, he tilts his head down and peers over his glasses at me and says “I bet it’s your alternator.”

Awesome!

My Week………..In A Nutshell

Howdy everyone!

Ok that’s out of the way, now on with it.

My father passed away on June 24th…..he wasn’t really my dad, he adopted me because my real father didn’t want me and my stepdad (who I considered my real dad passed away 5 years ago). Anyway we didn’t get along well and actually haven’t even spoke since 2005….so please no condolences needed ok?

Then the weekend came and Saturday my brother had a big bash…pre 4th of July if you will….it was a blast, LOTS of people and my brother grilled out…some amazing burgers, chicken, brats and weenies….lots O’ alcohol and I got a new tat:

Sunday with me having a hangover my wife drove me and my old college roommate to his house since he was ditched at the party and needed a ride. After we dropped him off me and wifey went to her mom and dad’s camper and hung out in the HEAT!!! Of course it rained (psst….it always rains when I go, there is an inside joke that it’s my fault that it rains).

Checked out the fireworks on Sunday night….ever tried to take a pic of a firework? Yeah it sucks….observe:

Fireworks were ok, i’ve seen better, i’ve seen worse, but it was still fun.

Monday came home and finished GAME OF THRONES on ON DEMAND from COMCAST….if you haven’t watched it I highly suggest you watch it, me and wifey watched 7 episodes on Friday night alone……CRAZY!

Today I had yet another battle with my fucking lawnmower….a little backstory with this beast that I’m sure the BROWNROAD CHRONICLES can relate to. The 1st time the lawnmower gave me fits was because I didn’t have enough oil in it (who knew?) the 2nd time was because I had TO MUCH (that’s right TOO MUCH) oil in it…….seriously?????? Third time it died on me was because something was wrong with it (I can’t remember what “Mr. Fix It” said, but the mower was blowing out oil……Can I get a break??? Nope….just wait. I tried to mow the yard last week, I got the front yard cut no problem…..get to the back yard, I get halfway and it dies…….next day I get less usage before it dies….3rd day……that’s right folks 3 DAYS TRYING TO MOW MY YARD!!!!!!!

Today I get home and “Mr. Fix It” came and fixed the mower, said that it was the carburetor and it’s just the nature of the beast…..no way to fix it…awesome right?

Well he mowed the front yard……thank you sir. I get to the beloved backyard and guess how many x’s it died on me? Go ahead I’ll wait……………..

 

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7 times!!!!!!!!!!!! And to top that off, I ran out of gas and if you refuel the mower won’t start again till the next day, I asked “Mr. Fix It” why that happens, he says it’s just one of those things……….and he fixes mowers for a reason.

I have begged and pleaded with wifey to let us buy a new one….her response? You’ll love this.

“We will get a new one, when the season is over”

“Great! How in the hell am I supposed to mow in the meantime”

She just laughs.

I have to laugh too…..or I’ll cry.

“I’m Gonna Fight You!”

Last night my stepson wanted to go outside and play while mommy made dinner, so I went out with him to watch him and make sure he didn’t runaway or get kidnapped or just didn’t do anything he shouldn’t be doing.

It started out ok with him riding his bike, but then his ADD kicked in and he wanted to ride his battery operated Jeep. The night before we all sat out in the driveway and watched a local church put on a firework show and while we waited he rode the Jeep around and the battery was getting weak and we all forgot to charge it.

He tells me that he wants to ride his Jeep, I tell him that it’s dead and that the battery needs to be charged, which usually takes overnight to charge it.

“No it isn’t”

“Ok fine” I have grown tired of arguing with a four year old, so whenever he argues now, I just say “OK.”

He rides the Jeep and surprisingly it works…………until he gets out into the street and turns around to go over the little ramp back up to the driveway. Here is where it turns sour, the Jeep doesn’t have the power to make it over the ramp and he starts yelling at me.

“COME GET ME!!!!”

“No” I say calmly, because he didn’t say please and I am trying to get this kid to learn his manners, if he would have said please I would have jumped up and helped  and I wasn’t going to remind him.

“GET OVER HER AND HELP ME!!!”

“No, you can push it” It’s not that heavy, even for a 4 year old.

He gets out and pushes it, to my surprise he pushes it very hard and easily (he was pissed!) he pushes it all the way up to the top of the driveway.

“I’m gonna tell mommy you yelled at me!”

“No, I didn’t” I didn’t yell, this whole entire time I was very calm and trying not to egg him on.

He goes inside and SLAMS the door, he comes out a few seconds later…

“I’M GONNA FIGHT YOU!!!”

He’s carying this toy sword that if you get hit with it, it does hurt, and he comes out and he starts hitting me really fast repeatedly.

“Stop!”

Continues hitting me

“I said stop”

Continues hitting me, so I swat his butt, it would have been harder, but the angle I was at I couldn’t reach it….he stops and just glares at me.

“Get in the house!”

Still glaring

“NOW!!!!!!!!”

He starts crying and he goes inside, I follow him and he stands in the kitchen.

“Get on the couch and don’t move!!”

Mommy finally has had it

“Ok what is going on”

I explain to her that he is upset because the Jeeps’ battery is dead and I calmly explain to her as I did above. After I finished she took my side and told him that he knows better than to hit people with the sword, and he stays on the couch till dinner is ready (about 10 mins if that).

Sigh……good times.