This Week In Smokes X2

Well it has been a couple of weeks…..maybe longer since I have updated this topic on my blog, due to the revamping of the site, which took longer than expected…..so without further ado I will try to go by memory.

Sunday the 4th of Dec when the wifey went to church. I had a Partagas 10….. since the weather was nice a very good smoke 5 out of 5, haven’t had a bad Partagas yet.

I also decided to try a CAO Earth Nectar this was a flavored cigar, that wasn’t great and wasn’t bad…….would not buy another, but if someone gave me one I would smoke it. so a 3 out 5

On the 5th of Dec I received a very nice, thoughtful bomb from someone on http://www.cigarasylum.com I won’t go into the details, because that’s a whole nother blog that I don’t want to get into right now, here are the sticks:

  1. Diesel Shorty
  2. Bolivar Robusto
  3. Liga Privada Undercrown Gran Toro
  4. AVO Heritage Toro
  5. Perdomo Habano Maduro Robusto

The next day I received these beauties from another member of CA:

Included are 3 Gold 5 Vegas & 2 Gold Maduro 5 Vegas, + Cigar.com matches and advertisements.

On Tuesday the 6th I smoked my 2nd worst smoke (1st was the Gurkha European Selection) this one was the MAN O’ WAR Virtue, I actually pitched this after the 1st third…0 out of 5, will NOT smoke again.

On the 7th I received another bomb from a member of the CA this time was because I posted an “empty” pic of the TRUNKADOR….I don’t think so, but he felt obligated to bomb me anyway.

  1. Indian Tabac Maduro Boxpress
  2. Lot No. 826 Churchill Perdomo
  3. Nica Libre 1990 Churchill Boxpress
  4. Oliva “G” Series Boxpress Torpedo
  5. La Pearla Black Pearl Toro Torpedo Box Press

+ 5 pack of 5 Vegas Classic Maduro Robusto

That night I had a Cohiba ‘Red Dot’ this was my 2nd one I had ever had, and this one was 10x’s better than the 1st a def 5 out 5.

Saturday the 10th my mother threw a Christmas part and I took some smokes with me, 1st up is a no name brand….a member of CA decided to start rolling his own and he named it after his dog “Roxy” he graciously sent me one of his Maduro to try.

This cigar has the best smell of any cigar I have ever smelt and this was without even lighting it, just amazing and it smoked just as well. A def 5 out of 5

Next I had a Tatuaje……um sorry I forget which one, and my notes aren’t helping, but once again I have not had a bad Tat 5 out of 5

Next was the smoke of the night Liga Privada Undercrown, this was not from the one that was just bombed to me, this was one I won from KissMyAshRadio.com back in Oct. 5 out of 5

That bottle behind it? Yeah that’s what I paired it with….DELICIOUS!

On CA I submitted my MAW (Make A Wish) and a member sent these to fulfill my wish

  1. 601 Blue Maduro (wish)
  2. Old Henry Maduro (Wish)
  3. Liga Privada No. 9 (Wish)
  4. 601 Red
  5. Alec Bradley 1997 Harvest Selection
  6. Alec Bradley Select Cabinet Reserve

Also on the same day I received my 2nd prize from KissMyAshRadio.com (I won again!!!!!)

  1. 5er of Brickhouse
  2. 5er of Casa De Garcia
  3. 5er of E Doble

On Tuesdaythe 13th Marlon came over to my house and brought me a very nice stick…….a Davidoff Double R….now these are about $31 a stick…..def worth it, but I just can’t see myself buying a box anytime soon….too much, but still a 5 out of 5

Friday was our usual Herf at Marlon’s house he had some boxes come in this week and couldn’t wait to share some with me and Alan, so I just brought some cheap smokes with me, nothing special hell I didn’t even get to them. He gave me a Liga Privada Undercrown (because I had been raving about the one I smoked at my mom’s party he bought a box)

And one that’s quickly becoming a fav of mine Nat Sherman, this one was the Suave and yep 5 out of 5

Saturday I had some Christmas shopping and I stopped at the local B&M to buy for my Secret Santa on CA and Marlon met me up there, I bought a Macanudo 1968 & a Saint Louis Rey

Marlon also bought a Macanudo 1968 and we both smoked it, we both thought it was boring smoke a 3 out of 5

Afterwards Marlon handed me one he just bought (he bought 2 of these) a 601 Green Label MUCH MUCH better 5 out of 5 I am loving these 601′s.

Now a little something extra for you my readers, when Marlon came over I showed him my Trunkador set up and he said I should empty out my humidors and jut put my sticks in there by themselves…..so here ya go.

Ignore the temps, I had it open for awhile so the temp dropped, but all is good sitting at 72%!

Photo Challenge: Celebration

Image

This is my 1st Photo Challenge and I thought this was appropriate…..last night I went to my mom’s annual Christmas/Bunco party…..don’t know what Bunco is? Google it, I don’t have time, sorry….but it’s a lot of fun.

Anyway, after after 3 games of Bunco we all decided to do shots and party it up, here is my thought of Celebration for this topic.

Notice the Margaretta’s behind her lol.

This Week In Smokes + A Special Treat For My Readers

Well Monday Thru Thursday pretty much SUCKED, too cold to smoke, need to talk the wifey into getting a nice CHEAP WARM heater out there so her sexy man can smoke.

Come Friday though it was ON, I went to my friend Marlon’s house and he and Alan were there. I brought a TATUAJE ANARCHY from my KISSMYASHRADIO contest win from last month for Marlon to try, also Alan made the mistake of telling me he has never had a ROCKY PATEL, so I brought him a VINTAGE 1990 (I think, or maybe a 1992).

To start the night off Alan brought us each an AVO XO INTERMEZZO he said that this was the first cigar he has ever smoked, it was ok it had a Connecticut wrapper so it was very mild (I don’t mind mild cigars, I am not a snob) it was a big change from what we have been smoking I give it a 3 out of 5.

Next Marlon and myself had the Tat Anarchy….now this is what I am talking about, rich full flavors, packed a punch and just an enjoyable smoke altogether.  Just so you know I have NOT had a Tat I didn’t like, I guess you can say I am a Tat whore. 5 out of 5

Alan ordered pizza and it was just what I needed after that powerful smoke, so I had a couple of slices washed down with a Guinness Black Lager (fucking yummy!!!!!)

After that I had another TATUAJE, sorry I can’t remember which one (if anyone recognizes it please enlighten me), but yep it was awesome and another 5 out of 5

The next day Marlon k, Myself and Alan all went to a local TATUAJE/DON PEPIN GARCIA Event, I actually had $ this time to buy some sticks, they had a special buy 3 get 1 for free, so here is what I chose.

1. TATUAJE LA CASITA CRIOLLA
2. DPG LA REBOLA
3. ARTURO FUENTE DOUBLE CHATEAU
4. TATUAJE CAPA ESPRESSO

I go to get out my wallet and Marlon takes them and gives them to the guy and looks at me and says “Merry Christmas” I told him he has given me way too much for Christmas already with the Trunkador he looks at me and simply says “It’s just money, and I’m happy to do it.” The guy rings it up, I thank him again and we go and sit down, THEN he hands me an ASHTON VSG churchill and says “THIS will be OUR first smoke.”

This was a great smoke, but I think it might have been a little too much for my 1st smoke (it was a little after 12 noon) so I need to give it another try and maybe pair with a nice Cognac so it only gets a 4 out of 5 this time.

This sucker too me 2 hours to smoke, Marlon…..about an hour lol.

Marlon got up and went and bought some boxes 6…so far and returns and hands me:
1. MEDEROS Torpedo (never heard of this one)
2. TATUAJE BLACK TUBO Torpedo Marlon had smoked one the night before at his herf and offered me the tube, I declined, because I don’t feel it’s right to take a band or a tube unless I have personally smoked it….he reminded me of this as he handed me the smoke. (that was my next smoke btw) Do I really need to say it? 5 out of 5

We sat and met a man named Mark  he mentioned that he was here and purchased a few TATUAJE WOLFMEN, (now to give you a bit of a background: Every October Tatuaje releases VERY limited releases of cigars named after monster, so far they have had THE DRAC,, THE FRANK, BORIS, THE FACE & WOLFMAN….once they are gone, they are gone and only if you are given one or lucky to pay higher than you should will you get one) he gave one to Marlon and told me that he only had 1 or he would give me one, I told him that was fine and I was good and thanked him anyway.

Alan was leaving and he gave me an ARTURO FUENTE DON CARLOS.

Marlon got up again and went to the register bought another box and came back and handed me an ALEC BRADLEY FAMILY BLEND (it was next to meet it’s demise) like the tats I have not had an AB that I didn’t like 5 out of 5

Then Mark comes back and really surprises me by dropping a Wolfman in my lap, he says “I found out that I have an extra one so here you go.” I tripped over myself thanking him and he said “Hey cigars are for sharing, that’s what it’s all about.”

So in total I walked out with 9 cigars and smoked 3, and only paid $1.50 for a bottled water……UNBELIEVABLE!

Here are some pics of the place and the event “specials”

Here’s me & Marlon enjoying our smokes

Now for your treat, I got the TRUNKADOR all set up and I decided to shar with you my stash.

This is my little corner where wifey lets me keep my cigars on top of the trunk from left to right starting with the front row:

  • Box filled with the cigar bands I have smoked + my lighters & cutters
  • 15 count HERF A DOR
  • Distilled Water
  • TUPPADOR filled with empty bags & fuel for my lighters
  • TUPPADOR with infused or flavored cigars (have to keep them separate from the regular cigars

This is my cigar bands, lighters & cutters box

My infused TUPPADOR

The TRUNKADOR opened, on top is my small 20 count HUMIDOR to the right is a mixed box of singles Marlon gave me, to the left is just some misc sticks without cellophane and below all that is my 150 count HUMIDOR

Next is the misc sticks spread out on top of the bottom humi

And then the 150 count HUMIDOR opened

And one last pic for your viewing pleasure

Simma down ladies, I’m spoken for.

This Week In Smokes

I had some smokes…..not as many as last week, but then again I didn’t plan on smoking that many lol. I also went to a new B&M.

I was looking in my notes and it appears I didn’t smoke at all until Thanksgiving morning, I had 5 Vegas Triple A series, I read somewhere that your taste buds are at their best in the morning, so I had my 1st smoke that morning. I am not sure if this smoking in the morning is true or not, because I didn’t sense any difference in this smoke, it’s still great no matter when you smoke it.

I didn’t smoke again until the next day Friday, me and couple of friends went to a local B&M….my 1st time there, they are veterans. It is called the INDY CIGAR BAR and it was nice and they had a great humidor, and great customer service….they followed us into the humi and asked if there was anything they could help us with….we all politely declined their advance and he stepped out.

I thought they were a little pricey, but I saw a few sticks that I could easily purchased, but Marlon said he wanted to try something he hadn’t had before (which is not an easy feat, the dude has been smoking for 18 years) anyway he decided on a ZINO PLATINUM, and he bought for me and Alan, we went to the bar and they cut our cigars and even lit them…….this struck me as odd since that is considered a no no, noone but you should light your cigar….he even offered the lighter to me and I went to take it and Marlon said “No, you don’t touch the lighter.” See he was just offering me the lighter so I could lean into the flame and make sure I was lit all the way…..strange, but I went with this. This stick…..a single was $31!!!!!!

So, we smoked it and none of us were blown away, for that price the stick deserves it’s own blog….not so. I really enjoyed the aroma coming off the cigar……it just smelled like how a cigar should smell, I don’t know how to describe it, but I really enjoyed the aroma. It smoked fine, but again for $31 I should be really praising this stick. I’d give a 3 out of 5.

We went back to Marlon’s house and he gave me an Arturo Fuente God Of Fire…..his canister alone cost him $3k That’s an expensive smoke!!!! I really enjoyed, but the burn gave me problems, Marlon said he needs to open up the canister and let the moisture get to them. 4 out of 5

Next I had a Nat Sherman Churchill……oh man! This was a great cigar so many earthy flavors….wood, leather, oak……just so good…..best stick of the night easily. 5 out of 5

I didn’t smoke again until Sunday 11/27 again I went to Marlon’s and Alan presented me with my 3rd Cuban (so far) it was a Bolivar Habana Torpedo it was pretty good….nothing special 4 out of 5

Then Marlon surprised me with my 1st surprise of the evening, he said he went to a local B&M and bought me another Nat Sherman, this was a Hampton, it was more sweeter than the previous one, but I have to say again best stick of the night 5 out 5…..I NEED a box, my humi should not be without one.

My 2nd surprise of the night was a doozie, Alan and Marlon decided to initiate me into their little smoking club by giving me THE TRUNKADOR!!!!

Alan bought a $20 footlocker at Walmart and lined it with Spanish Cedar to make a humidor for his smokes, he passed it onto Marlon who had it for 8 years and now I am taking the reigns….truly an amazing Christmas present for me.

Marlon also gave me a box of his cheap cigars and Alan gave me his back issues of Cigar Aficionado’s.

This Week In Smokes

Let’s get right to it, because this was a big smoke week for me.

Monday I had a FELIPE DOMINICANA TORPEDO I rated it a 4 out of 5….not box worthy, but definitely a five pack worth or if someone gifted it to me I would smoke it again right away.

Tuesday I had a 5 (or Cinco) VEGAS TRIPLE A SERIES…..these are slowly becoming my go to smoke, rated a 5 out of 5, just a great smoke, would love to have a box of these. I had this with some Glenlivet Scotch Whiskey…..very nice combo.

Wednesday I went to my new smoking buddy and I already posted pics, but it’s worth a 2nd look, BOLIVAR MADURO very mild than I was expecting, but a damn fine smoke 4 out of 5…..5 pack would be nice.

Thursday was a no smoke day, I had a family event to go afterwards just came home and watched the Thursday night line up on T.V.

Friday back at it with an ALEC BRADLEY AMERICAN CLASSIC BLEND a 4 out of 5 so again another 5 pack of these would be nice. I had this with some Sailor Jerry Rum and coke in the pic they are sitting atop some awesome coasters a member from Cigarasylum.com sent me from a trade.

Here is a closer look at the coasters, as you can tell are made out of cigar bands, very very cool gift.

I have tried several different times and still that pic above keeps coming up upside down, so I apologize, I guess you will just have to stand on your head.

Saturday was a BIG smoking day for me. Started off with an ACID ONE my 1st time I have had this one and let me tell you it is aptly titled. a 5 out of 5….yep box worthy!

Later I went to my buddies house and I met another guy there and he gave me my 1st Cuban in a Long LONG time this was a MONTECRISTO HABANA and it was delicious another 5 out of 5…..I actually nubbed this one it was so good.

Up next I had an ARTURO FUENTE ROSADO very good smoke, but I should have waited a little more to smoke it after the Monte, a 5 out of 5 it was just such a collision of flavors that I feel I couldn’t enjoy it as well as it should have been. Glad I have another in my humidor.

I left my buddies house and went to another friends house and we sampled some Jameson Irish Scotch Whiskey, while sippin’ my drink I lit up a NUB MADURO this is my 2nd NUB and once again it did not disappoint 5 out of 5

Last smoke of the night (that’s 5 all together people!) started out REALLY strong, it almost kicked my butt, but  was on an empty stomach, so I took it slow, it was a DIABLO PICANTES 4 out of 5, would like to try again on a full stomach.

Sunday I went back to my buddies and he asked what I wanted out of his humi, I selected a LA FLOR DOMINICA DOUBLE LIGERO he was like Ohhhhh really? He kinda chuckled to himself and asked me “Have you eaten?” I had and I told him I had….not a full meal, but enough to satisfy me. This sucker was easily 9 1/2 inches long and it started out nice and smooth, by the end (and I couldn’t finish it, I still had about 3 inches left on it) I was feeling woozy and nauseous I texted him this when I got home and he just laughed at me lol. I give it a 4 out of 5, I would like to try a smaller size and on a much more full stomach lol.

Also last night he gave me an AMAZING gift, last Thursday when I was doing the family thang he was at a cigar event where you paid $80 and you received a 14 oz New York Strip Steak, free drinks and these bad boys.

That’s right, that’s an OPUS X and a JULIUS CAESER, I have never had a JC before, but the OPUS is an amazing smoke, I had my 1st a couple of months ago thanks to my brother-in-law.

Another look

Retail on the box said $50.

My New Smoking Buddy…Maybe You Know Him?

Last Sunday my brother-in-law asked me if I was interested in a smoking buddy, I replied “Hell Yeah!” since all my BOTL’s (Brother Of The Leaf) are not very close to me. He explained how this person had a massive humidor filled with all kinds of cigars. He gave me his # and left the rest up to me.

I finally got around to calling him on Tuesday night and introduced myself, he was actually at a B&M I hadn’t been to before and we shot the chit for a bit. I invited him to the herf which probably isn’t going to happen this Saturday.

I googled his name, because he told me he was a race car driver and had several world records under his belt and his latest car is a million dollar beauty….I know nothing about racing other than they usually go in circles, so I’m thinking to myself this guy can’t be all that and be from my small little town…..well everything he told me was correct, but it still didn’t dawn on me who he was.

I had done my part and I really wasn’t expecting anything else from it.

He called me on Wednesday night and asks if I had or was smoking, I told him no it was too cold he burst out in this evil maniacal laughter and asked if I wanted to come over and smoke some. My plan last night was to stay at home and clock in some time on my new game (Saints Row:The Third) I just got the night before, I couldn’t play it on Tuesday because wifey had taken over the tv so last night was my night to play………but I thought about it for about 2 seconds and said “YES!” wife was out so I text her and told I was going.

I get the directions (9 mins from my house!) and I pull up, he meets me outside and we shake hands and he invites me in to see his humi…pics below:

This is with the doors closed

Top Shelf

 

Still the first shelf

 

Second Shelf

 

Third Shelf

 

And the very bottom

 

And with the doors open

 

He started showing me his collection box by box and educating me more and more this hobby. He then asked me which one I wanted out of his humi, I didn’t want to be greedy and take his Davidoffs or anything, so I chose the Bolivar Mudaro since I hadn’t had one and have been wanting one for a few weeks now. I also brought him a Perdomo Lot 23 which to my surprise he said he hadn’t had before.

 

 

 

 

 

The Bolivar was a much milder than I anticipated, but it was a great smoke.

We go outside to his “office” which was basically his garage and there he proceeded to tell me about his company and what he does, I am not going to go into detail I will just tell you to google the name Marlon Kirby.

So I just wanted to tell you about my adventure  from the other night and give props to a generous and fellow BOTL.

This Week In Smokes

Well it’s been a pretty slow week for smoking, I have been fighting a cold and I didn’t want to chance ruining my smokes do to my illness.

But fear no my loyal readers for I do have SOMETHING to post about.

Over at the CigarAsylum they had a contest for the longest ash, and another for the biggest fail (meaning pics of the destruction of your ash) I submitted these, I don’t remember the 1st cigar, I believe it was a Diesel Unholy Cocktail. Anyway I had about an inch and a 1/2 on it and this happened:

This was on Friday I believe, Saturday I listened to KissMyAshRadio and I won a $50 gift certificate for answering a movie trivia question, they play a clip of a movie and you guess which one it is….mine was True Romance.

Here is what I purchased with my GC:

The sticks are:

  1. My Uzi Weighs A Ton
  2. CAO Brazilia Amazon
  3. Tatuaje Anarchy (exclusive from SmokeInn.com who also do the radio show…I was actually told to get a 5er of these, that alone was $49.99 and since I am still new to cigars and want to try everything under the sun I opted for 2 of these)
  4. Liga Privada Undercrown (these are new and everyone is raving about them)
  5. Kristoff Sumatra ( I freaking LOVE Kristoffs, I haven’t had this brand yet, so I had to try it)

Not too bad eh?

Sunday while at the inlaws I thought I would try the contest again, this time it was with a Gurkha the last Gurkha if you recall bored me to tears, this one was MUCH better.

As you can see I got more ash on this one, but still not enough to win, I believe the winner had a 3.5 inch and the destruction ended up on his chest, crotch and leg. no pics of my destruction, and I easily beat 3 inches, but my phone died and I couldn’t take the pic

Monday I received a package as part of a trade, I gave the guy some 6 finger slot bags and in return he gave me…….some CUBANS….shhhhhh……check it out and watch the drool, I had to

Included are:

  1. Partagas
  2. Ramon Allones
  3. Padilla Corojo Torpedo
  4. Camacho Quinto Corte Torpedo
  5. LA Herencia Oscuro Fuerte
  6. Padron 1964 Anniversary Series Box Press Lancero

He told me to watch out for the Camacho, because it might kill me and the Padilla is from 2006 and smoking very nice right now.

No smoking from Sunday till Yesterday, I couldn’t take it I was Jonzin’ for a cigar so I lit up one that I wasn’t familiar with, but also wasn’t in in hurry to smoke, boy did it suck too. It was Puros Indios Torpedo and it just tasted bad and left a bad taste in my mouth.

Today I tried again and with the wife’s advice to try one I have had before so I had a Cusano 18 Double Connecticut Robusto and it was great….no pics…suffer.

Bombarded By Bees & Favorite Tunes Friday the Saturday Edition

Today wifey and I took the boy to the apple orchard to get some apples and let him pick out a pumpkin.

We get there and he wants to play on the swingset with the other kids, but instead of playing with the other kids he plays alone in the straw….I guess that’s pretty common for an only child.

After a few mins of that he wants to pick out a pumpkin, we go and find 2, however he doesn’t want to carry any of them heh, so I haul them back to the car while he and mommy go to the apple and cider and produce section.

I join them and wifey keeps asking me to get some cider (I love cider, but for $5 a gallon & $3 a 1/2 gallon I can do without). We ended up buying a pint of apple butter.

We go to the concession stand because I want an Elephant Ear, I LOVE them, but they are not like the fairs…bummer, I still get one, actually we get two + a water a cider for me and a cider slushy for the boy.

As were standing there waiting to order bees are EVERYWHERE and I do mean EVERYWHERE….I don’t like bees!

We get up there and order our stuff and I ask the lady at the counter if they get stung a lot “mmmm not too bad, we will usually grab one by accident, and the other day one flew up my shirt and stung me…..NOT FAIR!”

Did you just read that? OMG!!!!!!!!! have I told you I hate bees? well I HATE THEM, Bill Maher says there is a shortage of bees…..GOOD RIDDANCE!!!! I don’t care they suck!

THEY CAN SMELL FEAR!!!!!

So, we get our food and yep the bees surround us, so we walk away from the food and the other bees with food in tow, we go to the swingset area again thinking we would be far away enough……NOT!!!! THEY FOLLOWED US!!!!

We tried moving further away, no good so wifey says “We will probably have to eat them in the car” bummer, but ok I’m game.

We all move to the car and you should have seen how fast this big boy can get the food, the boy and himself in the car.

NO BEES!

We enjoy our treat and they (the bees) come the window…..I’m not lying! It was like that moie where the bees cover the VW and they have to go to the football stadium and freeze the bees off……ok not that bad, but it was pretty terrifying none the less….heh.

A couple of weeks ago I was at a herf and there was a bee and I’m ducking and jiving trying to get away from it, one of they guys thought this was entertaining and made the comment “Really? You have all those tattoos and your scared of a little bee sting?” I had to laugh at that,

So that was my Saturday.

Sorry I missed Favorite Tunes Friday and I am not going to do a double shot, just the one.

Today I bring you

38 SPECIAL

I love this band, and I feel they never got their due, sure they had some big hits and they are loved and respected all over the Classic Radio stations, but a majority of people won’t put them up there with all the other greats….I will.

I had the pleasure of seeing them live twice…the 1st time they had Eddie Money open up for them and the 2nd they opened for Bon Jovi (REALLY???? I couldn’t believe it….they didn’t even play Hold On Loosely, it was a pretty shitty show).

This video is the very 1st song I ever heard from 38 Special where I fell in love with this band, I then went back and discovered their earlier better stuff, but this one popped my cherry with this band and it still tests the time.

Enjoy!

Conversations At The Microwave

If I hadn’t told you before me and my wife work together, we carpool with my sis n law sometimes (she usually rides with us) yeah and their mom oh and their brother work here too. We do our best to save one ice glacier a day…your welcome Al Gore.

Anyway this week my wife has been very busy on a new project and we couldn’t each lunch together, so we both have been eating at our desks, which is fine with me I can surf the web and not be around drivers while trying to eat (no disrespect…just sayin’).

So the past couple of days I have had a couple of interesting conversations with coworkers…well I found them interesting anyway.

#1 I’m at the microwave and I am talking to coworker who sits directly in front of the microwave. Poor guy he has to smell all that burnt popcorn, because people don’t understand that there is a button that clearly says “POPCORN” on it and if u have a small bag u press it twice…ok end of that rant and back to the topic at hand.

So I have 8 mins to kill while my lasagna is cooking (Smart ones remember the “Chris Clay Diet?”) So I go up to his desk (2 feet away) and I look on his desk and I see his eyeglasses case which has the Batman logo on it …badass  right? Here’s the conversation:

Me – Dude, that’s awesome! I love Batman
Him – Me too, I love Batman! I really really love him (he’s Mexican people give him a break will ya? Sheesh)
Me – Oh yeah? Well check this out (I show him my Batman tattoo…he is very impressed he might even had a boner…it is a nice tattoo)
Him – That is nice!
Me – Thanks!
Him – That is really really nice! Did it hurt?
Me – Hell yeah it did, they ALL hurt, don’t let anyone tell you they dont because they are lying.
Him – I didn’t know
Me – Wanna see my “Willie?” ( I love saying that…it cracks me up)
Him – (confused) Ok?
I show him my tattoo of Willie Nelson, again he is impressed. He then continues to ask me how long it took and how much all the usual stuff people ask when they see tattoos. I fulfill his curiosity then get my lasagna and eat.

#2 (this is a good one)

Coworker – Hey man I haven’t seen you and your wife much this week in the cafeteria
(I explain to him about how she is doing a special project and blah blah blah)
Somehow the conversation switches to him and his 2nd ex wife.
Him – Man I thought being with her was cool, she worked at Target in record dept (cd’s for all you youngsters) and we used to get free tickets to concerts and stuff.
We went to Tom Petty and we went backstage and I got all fucked up, and he fucked her.
Me – Who? Tom Petty?
Him – Yeah
Me – What he hell?
Him – Man I don’t know, but that was it. I divorced her ass…served her the papers on our anniversary.
Me – Hell yeah!
Him – It wasn’t planned, it just happened that way. “Here ya go bitch, happy anniversary!”
We both kinda laugh
Me – So you were what married 4 times or something?
Him – Yeah, with her we were only together a year, so I don’t really count her.
Me – Tom Petty huh?
Him – Yeah…that son of a bitch.

Microwave dings.

Comedian Or Stuntman

I’ve been in a funk lately;  I just haven’t had or couldn’t find anything to write about that has been worthwhile to you my dear readers  So, I am really pushing myself with this post, and I thought I would tell you about my childhood dreams.

When I was a little kid I heard about Steve Martin (who is still my all time favorite comedian, despite his terrible movies as of late),I am not sure where I discovered him it might have been Saturday Night Live  or where I got his records, but that’s not important. What is important was that I discovered him and he forever changed my life.

I would listen to his records religiously front to back over and over, memorize it and then “perform” it in the mirror or standing up in front of my empty bed and sometimes to my friends. This is where I discovered the gift of making people laugh and immediately fell in love with this art.

Then I started discovering other comedians like Bill Cosby, Gallagher, Howie Mandel, George Carlin, Robin Williams & Louie Anderson to give you an idea. I started studying these acts…comedy was very important to me.

I was never the typical “Class clown” but I did have my moments, but they were usually with my group of friends that I could make laugh. In the 80′s when I got cable I discovered A&E’s An Evening At The Improve this damn show seemed to be on 24/7 and my ass watched it religiously as well learning the craft, finding out what worked and what didn’t. An old friend of mine’s mom used to watch it too and we would compare notes and she brought up something that I’ve never forgot she said that comedians are sad people and they turn their pain into pleasure for others and it helps them when they make people laugh, I guess it was like therapy to them. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she was right…now I’m not saying ALL comedians are this narcissistic, but there are some depressed comedians that ended up taking their own life.

Richard Jeni

Mitch Hedberg

Sam Kinison

Chris Farly

John Belushi

Greg Giraldo

Those are to name a few, most of these were “accidental overdoses” but my point is I wasn’t depressed hell I was a pretty good go lucky guy, I was kind of an outsider in HS because of my heavy metal music and long hair at a christian school, but I did have friends…..mostly the freaks & geeks lol.

I got a big break in HS, I was at a school dance that was being held at a small club and I was talking to the DJ who happened to be a big time local radio DJ here in town, he was DJ-ing because he was an alumni from the school. Anyway him and I started talking about comedy and he said the he does some stand up at a club downtown and offered me 5-10 min spot, I took his card and never called him……..I didn’t have the guts or courage….I still don’t, see I never wrote my own material, I just mimicked everyone elses stuff and you can’t do that. I don’t regret it and I still love and study comedy, but that was definitely not my calling.

My other childhood dream was to be a stuntman, now this fantasy may have came before the comedian idea I believe, because it was in the 70′s when I discovered EVEL KNEVIL the baddest mofo on the planet as far as i was concerned, here was something I could definitely do, ride a bike and jumps things……SOLD! He used to do these elaborate stunts and they were televised oh you can bet your ass I was watching, I believe the 1st one I seen him do was at a monster truck show or demolition derby or something and he had on this amazing stars & stripes jumpsuit with a CAPE!!!! How badass is that for 6 or 7 year old eh? He was MY superhero before I discovered Batman. He jumped over like 10-15 semi trailers and made it!

He was a cultural icon as well there were t-shirts, belt buckles, lunchboxes and toys of this badass, and I had them all!

You get the idea, I was his #1 fan…….hell even my grandma knew of my fascination with this man that when she met him she got me his autograph….I wish I still had it….Miss you granny!

Ok so I started doing stunts around the neighborhood, I would jump ramps, fall off my bike in the street on purpose and roll and I’m talking at booking speed for a kid…so what maybe 3-5 mph? I dunno, but it was fast to me and that pavement hurt, but I didn’t feel it I was a STUNTMAN! I would climb the highest branch on the tree and tell my friends to shoot me and I was would fall straight down. I would run my bike into other bikes or into garage doors or fences. On day I lined up 10 kids and ran and jumped them, I landed on the 10th kid….my brother, he was pissed sorry bro I misjudged my jump. I would even get on the roof jump off backwards and land on my back…never broke a bone…..until.

This went on for years, at least until I was a freshman in HS I was helping my step dad help his step dad move one cold Saturday morning and there were these steps with an iron bannister outside….I looked at the steps and thought I could jump this (see I was always practicing) but I didn’t want to jump the stairs, no I wanted to jump off the top and down to the ground….there wasn’t another set of stairs,  just cement….this is the best example I could find.

I was at the top on the rails, I believe there were 3 rails total and I was on the top one for more height and jumped up and out and down.

On the way down my right arm stuck the iron bannister and I heard a *SNAP* I knew something was not right, but I helped them move anyway. Turns out that my arm was broke, but my mom didn’t take me to the Dr. for several weeks even though I told her my arm was broke she wouldn’t believe me….HELLO? The damn thing was purple and bloated…oh well. One day I was at my aunts (she used to watch me and my brother when we got off school until my mom got off work to pick us up) and she asked me what was wrong my my arm, I said it’s broke (she has 4 kids, she knew the signs and symptoms for all) she said it sure is….well she calls my mom and asks her if she knew my arm was broke and she said that I had told her, but she didn’t think it was true, so my aunt informed her it was true.

We went to the Dr. and mom said for me not to tell the Doc that I had told her about this since she didn’t want to seem like she was a neg-lector…which she isn’t she probably just didn’t have to cash to take me there…hell I was in the emergency room nightly, I was on a one named basis with the staff…no joke, I was something else.

Fast forward to college, I had gotten into skateboarding, I had the banana boards when I was kid, but I had a sweet METALLICA deck in college, but couldn’t ride for shit….never could. One night in the dorm me and my buds have a brilliant idea and thought we would ride the skateboards in the hallway and land on mattresses….this was pre-Jackass people…we were were risk takers! I ended up breaking my left leg that night.

After the cast was removed I got back on my deck went outside the dorm door and immediately fell and broke my left leg….SEIOUSLY???? Mom was pissed boy, that was the end of my Stuntman career, even though I had only broke 3 bones in my body, nothing like my hero Evel….he broke EVERY bone in his body more than once….I still love that man, him and Burt Reynolds…hey he was the Bandit & Hooper.